Correção do texto "Dear friend"

Solicitações de correções de textos e redações em inglês.

Mensagempor cafranco » 27 Dez 2010, 09:08

Dear friend,
many things happened with me and now I'm in a prison
I will tell to you the story. I and Susan was on the Hotel Sea, in Lea-on-Sea, when suddenly some people started to tell
with me, as if they had seen me on the last day, but I wasn't in Lea-on-Sea on the last day.
After, I discovered a man who pretendend to be me, his name was Stephen, he was the boyfriend of Susan some years ago.
But, he never forgave Susan for to finish with he, so he put a mask with my face and shot in Susan, then ran away and everyone thought I had killed Susan,
And now, I'm here...

Peter
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cafranco
 
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Re: Correção do texto "Dear friend"

Mensagempor Donay Mendonça » 27 Dez 2010, 11:32

Cafranco,

Sugestões de melhoria para seu texto:

Many things happened to me and now I'm in prison.
I will tell you the story. I and Susan were on the Hotel Sea, in Lea-on-Sea, when suddenly some people started to talk
with me, as if they had seen me on the previous day, but I wasn't in Lea-on-Sea on the previous day.
After that, I found a man who pretendend to be me, his name was Stephen, he was Susan's boyfriend some years ago.
But, he never forgave Susan for finishing with him, so he put on a mask that looked like me and shot Susan, then ran away and everyone thought I had killed Susan,

And now, I'm here...
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Re: Correção do texto "Dear friend"

Mensagempor Flavia.lm » 27 Dez 2010, 13:07

Trabalhando em cima do texto do Donay, sugiro "he had been Susan's boyfriend some years ago", já que o texto está no tempo passado e este trecho se refere à um período anterior (um passado mais "passado", se vcs me entendem!)
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Flavia.lm
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Re: Correção do texto "Dear friend"

Mensagempor cafranco » 27 Dez 2010, 16:10

Entendi Flávia,
Brigada Donay!

Mto úteis as dicas de vcs!
valeu mesmoo!
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cafranco
 
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27 Dez 2010, 09:03
Mensagens: 6


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