Correção para Andressa Pekena: My childhood
- Andressa Pekena
- Localização: São José dos Campos
- Membro desde: 14 Jan 2015, 23:58
- Perfil · 5 Pontos · 1 Mensagem
My name is Andressa, I was born 1984. I have two brothers and I always had many people around me, when I was a kid I used to play with their friends. I had a lot of free time to play and do many things.
I used to play with my friends at school and in the street. My favorite sport was volleyball. I used to play it every week in the school field. I used to play hide-and-seek and bets in the street, too. At home I used to get up early to watch cartoon on TV. I used to play video game with my friends (and till now I love play mario world). I had a pet. My loved puppy was named Gauchinho we used to be together everywhere. I used to play at the playground. I spent hours there on the weekends. I was neat. I didn't use to collect anything. I used to have a lot of hobbies. I didn't use to look very different. I used to travel to my grandparents house. I used to listen to my teachers. My mom used to check my homework, maybe she made me be a studious girl. My mom used to cut onions in small pieces to me.
I had an amazing childhood. It was the happiest time of my life. I was very happy with a simple life and I didn't know.
I used to play with my friends at school and in the street. My favorite sport was volleyball. I used to play it every week in the school field. I used to play hide-and-seek and bets in the street, too. At home I used to get up early to watch cartoon on TV. I used to play video game with my friends (and till now I love play mario world). I had a pet. My loved puppy was named Gauchinho we used to be together everywhere. I used to play at the playground. I spent hours there on the weekends. I was neat. I didn't use to collect anything. I used to have a lot of hobbies. I didn't use to look very different. I used to travel to my grandparents house. I used to listen to my teachers. My mom used to check my homework, maybe she made me be a studious girl. My mom used to cut onions in small pieces to me.
I had an amazing childhood. It was the happiest time of my life. I was very happy with a simple life and I didn't know.
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Paulo has some good points. I would also try to avoid repetition, ( I used to, I used to, I used). Would and used (to) have very similar meanings and can often be used interchangeably.
...I used to get up early to watch cartoon on TV
...I would get up early to watch cartoon on TV
...I used to get up early to watch cartoon on TV
...I would get up early to watch cartoon on TV
ENTENDENDO AS HORAS EM INGLÊS
- PPAULO
- Localização: Rio de Janeiro-Brazil
- Membro desde: 21 Fev 2013, 23:49
- Perfil · 76.1k Pontos · 15k Mensagens
I was born in 1984.
However, it needs some connection between what is written and what you really meant. It´s my impression, though.
So, I am going give it a try, but I will go by degrees, by parts.
You inform the reader that "you have two brothers" and "you always had many people around you" (!) Does it mean that people were giving exclusive attention to you?
Perhaps what you really meant was "we always had many people around us." or something like that?
Then, you almost abruptly (wasn´t all abruptly because of the comma usage, but you suddenly changed the subject all the same...) mentioning then that "when you were a kid you used to play with their friends". Rather natural to me, you all being children; or did you mean emphasis on something? - like the fact of you being the only girl in the house, or that you "being a girl" would play with their friends, there wasn´t any exclusion.
My point is, those information shouldn´t be left out, they could (or would) make the reader know more about what you are getting at.
Congrats on your piece of text, and certainly you are a promising writer, you will get there. It´s only a matter of time (and a bit of training).
To my thinking, your text needs some polishing, you seems like having some mastering of basic English and a way with words. You can fairly put to paper one piece of text, but one can see what your thought is genuinely there.I have two brothers and I always had many people around me, when I was a kid I used to play with their friends. I had a lot of free time to play and do many things.
However, it needs some connection between what is written and what you really meant. It´s my impression, though.
So, I am going give it a try, but I will go by degrees, by parts.
You inform the reader that "you have two brothers" and "you always had many people around you" (!) Does it mean that people were giving exclusive attention to you?
Perhaps what you really meant was "we always had many people around us." or something like that?
Then, you almost abruptly (wasn´t all abruptly because of the comma usage, but you suddenly changed the subject all the same...) mentioning then that "when you were a kid you used to play with their friends". Rather natural to me, you all being children; or did you mean emphasis on something? - like the fact of you being the only girl in the house, or that you "being a girl" would play with their friends, there wasn´t any exclusion.
My point is, those information shouldn´t be left out, they could (or would) make the reader know more about what you are getting at.
Congrats on your piece of text, and certainly you are a promising writer, you will get there. It´s only a matter of time (and a bit of training).
- PPAULO
- Localização: Rio de Janeiro-Brazil
- Membro desde: 21 Fev 2013, 23:49
- Perfil · 76.1k Pontos · 15k Mensagens
My name is Andressa, I was born in 1984. I have two brothers. I was the only girl in the house, and with that I always had many people around me. Even so, I was a kid that enjoyed my childhood normally, I used to play with their friends and had a lot of free time to play and do many things.
This is just one suggestion, one "frame" of sorts. So, you have some idea to go by. It doesn´t mean it´s right and your piece wasn´t. There are many ways to skin a cat, and it´s your cat here (your piece of text), so you are free to use creativity as you wish.
We, from the Forum just try to give your the tools to match your thoughts to the intended meaning in the best and proper way possible.
This is just one suggestion, one "frame" of sorts. So, you have some idea to go by. It doesn´t mean it´s right and your piece wasn´t. There are many ways to skin a cat, and it´s your cat here (your piece of text), so you are free to use creativity as you wish.
We, from the Forum just try to give your the tools to match your thoughts to the intended meaning in the best and proper way possible.