Ancrispa: Diário de Bordo

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Episódio de hoje: A professora de francês que fazia chover
Tricia has fully recovered from her plastic surgery. She is helping one of the kids with his homework. I forgot the name of the kids, I mean, it’s been ages since the last time I mentioned them so, I’m going to call him kid, if you don’t mind. ;)
Tricia: So my precious kid, let me help you out with your French homework.
Kid: Thanks, mommy.
Tricia: So, kid what’s your French teacher like?
Kid: She’s nice and she knows how to make rain.
Tricia: What, dear? What do you mean?
Kid: Madame Claire makes rain every time she speaks. It’s really funny.
Tricia: Sweet, I still don’t understand. Could you be more specific?
Kid: I’ll give you an example. Today I had a doubt about the verb parler (to speak) in the past simple (passé composé) and when I asked her, she came to me and started making rain. And suddenly, it was raining like cats and dogs, mommy.
Tricia: Lord!!!!!! I got it! When your teacher speaks droplets of saliva comes out of her mouth!!
Kid: Exactly!
Tricia: Of course she does that unintentionally.
Kid: I think she doesn’t know that she spits while talking.
Tricia: Oh, dear, it’s excruciatingly embarrassing, isn’t it?
Kid: Mommy, can I ask a question?
Tricia: Sure.
Kid: Why do you choose difficult words when you speak?
Tricia: You mean the adverb excruciatingly.
Kid: Yes, what does it mean?
Tricia: It comes from the adjective excruciating, and it means extremely, for example, excruciatingly funny, excruciatingly humiliating….
Source: ... uciatingly

Kid: Can I ask another question?
Tricia: Bien sur mon petit chou. (Of course my sweetheart).
Kid: When will “the real you” come back?
Tricia: Dear, I didn’t understand. I’m right here in front of you.
Kid: Mommy, the funny lines on your face. Where did they go?
Tricia starts laughing.
Tricia: Dear, I have to tell you that those lines aren’t going to come back. They are dead.
Why, do you miss them?
Kid: No, I find it rather strange when I look at you and don’t see them. And when I talk with dad he still has those lines. Why?
Tricia: Because, dad hasn’t done any plastic surgery yet, perhaps, in the foreseeable future. By the way, we can those lines wrinkles.
Kid: I don’t want dad’s wrinkles change.
Tricia: why?
Kid: Because if the wrinkles vanish, we can’t play with him anymore.
Tricia: what do you play with him?
Kid: Can you keep a secret?
Tricia: Of course.
Kid: He doesn’t know, mom. But when he comes here to play with us we call him Mumm-ra! And we are the thundercats!
Tricia gives another hearty laugh.
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Avatar do usuário Ancrispa 2555 8 57
It’s been ages since the last time I wrote something in English. Let me try to tell another story.
Tricia is eager to buy a new notebook. She has heard about a sale at the mall. She has made up her mind that she is going to buy the best notebook. She decides to tell the news to her husband.
Tricia: Bill
Bill: Yes, honey.
Tricia: I want to buy a notebook.
Bill: Oh Lord! Lord have mercy on us !
Tricia: Don’t be farcical! I’m perfectly able to buy a notebook without anyone’s help.
Bill: Did the mobile phone purchase didn’t ring any bells?
Tricia: You can’t compare the Sun with the Moon. They are both planets but they are poles apart.
Bill: Have you been reading National Geographic lately?
Tricia: My beloved husband, pay attention to my valuable, precious words: I’ve been reading everything from the Guardian to Vogue magazine. I’m an inquisitive person.
Bill: Can I go with you? I would love to watch you asking questions to the shop assitant.
Tricia: Ok. Let’s go.
Bill: Now?
Tricia: Why not? Do you have anything important to do at the moment ? To save the Earth, by chance?
Bill: I love your sarcasm. Let’s go.

This story hasn’t finished yet.
Avatar do usuário Ancrispa 2555 8 57
Tricia and Bill are at the mall. They are in a computer shop.
The shop assistant comes closer and asks: Can I help you?
Tricia: Yes. I want a notebook. But it can’t be an ordinary one; it must be the best computer ever.
Shop assistant: Yes, Ma’am. The best computer I’ve got is this one “Pegasus Extreme”.
Bill can’t hold his laugh.
Bill: Really? Are you trying to take my wife in?
The shop assistant got offended.
Shop Assistant: Sir. We work with the best brands on the market: Pegasus Extreme, Monster Edge, Surprisingly Good and the last but not the least “Power is everything”.
Bill: What about the traditional ones?
Shop Assistant: These are the traditional ones.
Bill: Young man, have you been drinking?
S.A: Sir, you are way out of line.
Tricia: Honey let’s buy the Pegasus Extreme. It has a catchy name -“Pegasus Extreme”. I liked it a lot.
Bill: We don’t buy a computer because of its name. We should search for its quality, durability and reliability…
Tricia starts crying.
Bill got puzzled.
Bill: For heaven’s sake, why are you crying?
Tricia: I’m crying because you’ve just showed you care about my purchases!!!! It’s like that credit card ad: A husband who cares about his wife’s purchases – It’s priceless!!!!
Bill laughs his head off.
Bill: My dear, let me buy a computer for you, ok? I’ll buy the best on the market. You can trust me.
Tricia: Brilliant! Do I have to give you the money?
Bill: No. It will be my present for you.
Tricia: Lovely! Let’s go!
The shop assistant look at the weird couple leaving the shop.
Avatar do usuário Telma Regina 22835 9 58 573
Ana, your text is good as always. I found one minor mistake at the end of it:

The shop assistant looks at the weird couple leaving the shop.

An observation: text of speech should be in inverted commas, for example:

Tricia: "Yes. I want a notebook. But it can’t be an ordinary one; it must be the best computer ever".
Shop assistant: "Yes, Ma’am. The best computer I’ve got is this one “Pegasus Extreme”".
Avatar do usuário OEstudantedeIngles 5645 2 16 110
Hey =)

Single inverted commas are also possible

'Yes. I want a notebook. But it can’t be an ordinary one; it must be the best computer ever'.

Avatar do usuário Ancrispa 2555 8 57
Patricia is going to get married. Everybody is happy. Let’s see the dialogue between Bill and the Felipe “ The Saviour”.

Bill: “ Felipe, are you sure about getting married to my sister-in-law?”
Felipe: “ Of course. She’s the woman of my life, la femme de ma vie, a mulher da minha vida.”
Bill: “Well, let me tell you a story.”
Bill: "When I was a little boy.I had a puppy. Tutu was his name. I loved that dog. We used to do everything together. As time went by, he grew up and became a very aggressive dog. He started to attack everyone. My father told me that the only viable solution to the problem was to give him away to the dog pound. That news broke my little heart. I cried for many days. When the dog catcher appeared to take him, I couldn’t see. I just ran away as fast as I could. I wanted to disappear from the face of the mother Earth.
Felipe: “ For God’s sake Bill! Are you trying to establish a paralell between Tutu and Patricia? It’s impossible. It’s like to compare Brazil and the Moon! Why are doing this?”
Bill: “ Don’t take me wrong, I just want to help you. Chewbacca , I mean Patricia is astoundingly smart ,but she can be extremely difficult sometimes.”
Felipe starts laughing.
Bill: “Why are you laughing? There’s nothing to laugh about. On the contrary, you are in deep water my friend.”
Felipe: “Don’t worry. I know all her qualities and flaws.”
Bill: “ Felipe”
Felipe: “What?”
Bill: “ Now I understand that add of your country. That one which you translated for me.”
Felipe “ I remember it! Let me say it in English: “ I’m Brazilian and I will never ever give up”.
Bill: “ I must say you are the bravest man I ever met.”
Felipe: “ It’s love Bill. Real, deep love.”
Bill: “ I got it. Like the Pandas when they have cubs. Genuine love.”
Felipe: “ I must say that you have a quite peculiar spectrum of life.”
Bill: “ No. I’m just honest. Ruthlessly honest.”
Felipe: “ Honest man, shall we grab a beer?”
Bil: “ Sure! Let’s go!”