Correçao de Essay: Bullying at schools

Avatar do usuário edrob518 3160 6 71
This is the first time i've written an essay in this forum if I not mistaken and hope someone can help me make it better by adding some synonyms.

Bullying is a worldwide problem that occurs most of the time at schools and also in public enviroments. It's characterized by the use of force, threats, sex hassaraments,intimidation, coercion and so on. There are four types of bullying such as cyberbullying,verbal, emotional and phisycal which is the worst way of abusing a victim in my point of view and more often than not is done by a group which is known as mobbing in order to assist the bully with his/her bullying activities.The causes of bullying activities may include some differences of social class, size, religion, appearace, reputation, etc. As for signs of bullying suffered by the victim, is change in his/ her behaviour, anxiety, irratability, unwillingness to go to school, these are according to some parents depoiments the main signs seen.One thing that parents need to keep in mind is that the teachers are not the ones to blame for their child being suffering bullying, it's both parents' role and schoolto make sure their children are ok and are not getting into trouble. In my opinion,the most effective way to prevent and lessen bullying is the increase of safety at schools.

Looking forward to seeing from you guys what I can do to improve it. :D
MENSAGEM PATROCINADA Aprenda dicas sobre os tempos verbais em inglês! Baixe agora o seu Guia Grátis de Tempos Verbais em Inglês. Ele contém um ótimo resumo para revisar todos os conceitos.

Clique aqui e saiba como baixar!
Avatar do usuário Cinnamon 15245 14 41 345
Hi edrob518, I really liked your text both structure and vocabulary.
I will just suggest some correction (misspelling or typo) ;)

Bullying is a worldwide problem that occurs most of the time at schools and also in public environment. It's characterized by the use of force, threats, sex harassment, intimidation, coercion and so on. There are four types of bullying such as cyberbullying, verbal, emotional and phisycal which is the worst way of abusing a victim in my point of view and more often than not is done by a group which is known as mobbing in order to assist the bully with his/her bullying activities.The causes of bullying activities may include some differences of social class, size, religion, appearace, reputation, etc. As for signs of bullying suffered by the victim, is change in his/ her behaviour, anxiety, irritability, unwillingness to go to school, these are according to some parents depoiments the main signs seen. One thing that parents need to keep in mind is that the teachers are not the ones to blame for their child being suffering bullying, it's both parents' role and school to make sure their children are ok and are not getting into trouble. In my opinion, the most effective way to prevent and lessen bullying is the increase of safety at schools.

Note: Maybe the word "environment" is redundant in the context, but it is just a guess... Sorry if it is the wrong piece of advice. :?:

In general It is great, but I think you should wait more replies, specially because some members are really gifted when it comes to writing and the rules involved, OK!
:lol:
See You Around!
:mrgreen:
Avatar do usuário Cinnamon 15245 14 41 345
Cinnamon escreveu:Hi edrob518 just sth a missed the first time I replied, and maybe some tips:

"... differences of social class, size, religion, appearance, reputation, etc. As for signs of bullying suffered by the victim, is change in his/ her behaviour, anxiety, irritability, unwillingness to go to school, these are according to some parents depoiments statements/testimonies the main signs seen. One thing that parents need to keep in mind is the teachers are not the ones to blame for their child being suffering bullying the bullying suffered by their child (or) the bullying their child has been suffering. It is both parents' role and school to make sure their children are OK/all right/treated well and are not getting into trouble. In my opinion, the most effective way to prevent and lessen bullying is the increase of safety at schools."

Note: Just to share something with you:
-Look up for collocations to improve the quality of your writing that is quite good. Sometimes you can be understood but the language is not natural; ;)
-Avoid some contractions if your text is not that informal. "All right", for example, is slightly less informal when compared to "OK". "Treated well" is more formal. :geek:

Keep up the good work!
Cheers!

:mrgreen: