Correçao de Essay: UEFA
- edrob518
- Localização: Brasília, Brazil
- Membro desde: 31 Jan 2014, 17:12
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Well I want to start off by defining what EUFA is for those participants of the forum who are not familar with football when it comes to competitions and stuff, and the one i wanna talk about in this piece of text is the Uefa which stands for The Union of European Football Associations but mostly refered by its acronym, and it's basically a competition which takes place every year on setember 10 or so,it involves 72 teams throughout the europe and the two teams on the top of the table of each league around the Europe can participate of the competition. It is composed of 7 groups , with 4 four teams in each group and all 52 teams are split into this 7 gropus composed by 4 teams each one. Once you've known how this competition works i can continue my text and tell you guys about an incredible match which took place last year if I not mistaken between Chelsea x Barcelona and here it is all first half of the game had all the possesion of the ball of Barcelona and then the second half was the other way round, Barcelona was the favorite to win the game of course, since they were playing as the home team, the game was getting boring, though because Chelsea was playing very defensivelly, they didnt seem to want to do anything other than parking the bus in front of goal and prevent Barça from scoring, but all of a sudden Barça's player to my surprise, made a schoolboy error and that error was vital, Chelsea's player didnt miss the chance and scored an amazing goal known as lob from outside the box and that goal was to put an end to the game, then was too late to Barcelona score an equalizing goal since the game was coming to an end.
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- Juliana Rios
- Localização: Canoas, RS
- Membro desde: 29 Ago 2013, 17:51
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Adding on to Gabriel's suggestions:
1) Fillers such as "well" are best reserved for conversational English. The sole purpose of a filler is to allow the speaker time to collect his or her thoughts, thus making speech more fluid. This makes the use of filler words in writing pointless, seeing as writing presents no such need. Granted, this is not to say that you can't use them as a stylistic or rhetorical device.
2)
3) You should aim to keep your sentences shorter and more succint. Use more periods (.) and fewer commas (,) when separating clauses. Also, remember to use relative pronouns, such as "which", and connectors, such as "and", when tying clauses and sentences together, instead of simply starting a new line of thought out of nowhere.
You have a surprisingly sound command of English, edrob. I would just like to go over a few points:Well [read note 1] I would like to start off by defining what EUFA is for the forum members who are not familiar with football when it comes to competitions and stuff [grammatically correct, but unnecessary at a textual level]. The [new sentence] one I have chosen to [style and register] talk about in this piece of text is the UEFA, which stands for "The Union of European Football Associations" but is most often referred to by its acronym. It's [new sentence] basically a competition which takes place every year on September 10 or so, which involves 72 teams throughout the Europe [continent names do not take the article] and in which [style and cohesion] the two highest-ranking [alternative wording] teams on the table of each European league around the Europe can participate of the competition [passage made unnecessary by previously inserted "in which"]. It is composed of 7 groups, with 4 four teams each, and all 52 teams are split into these 7 groups composed of 4 teams each one [read note 2]. Now that you know how the competition works, I can proceed / go on and tell you guys about an incredible match which took place last year, if I am not mistaken, between Chelsea x Barcelona. [Periods won't kill you.] Here is how it went [fluidity and style]: Barcelona had the most possession throughout the first half [alternative, more concise wording], but [introduction of constrasting idea] the second half was the other way around. Being the home team, Barcelona was the favorite to win the game, of course. The match [repetition of the word "game"] started to get boring, though, because Chelsea was playing very defensively, and they didn't seem to want to do anything other than park the bus in front of goal and prevent Barça from scoring. All of a sudden, however, one of Barça's players, to my surprise, made a schoolboy error, and that error was vital. Chelsea's player didn't miss the chance and scored an amazing goal, known as lob, from outside the box, and that goal was to put an end to the game. It was too late for Barcelona to score an equalizing goal, since the game was coming to an end.
1) Fillers such as "well" are best reserved for conversational English. The sole purpose of a filler is to allow the speaker time to collect his or her thoughts, thus making speech more fluid. This makes the use of filler words in writing pointless, seeing as writing presents no such need. Granted, this is not to say that you can't use them as a stylistic or rhetorical device.
2)
This is a grammatical (yet slightly repetitive) sentence, but the math seems to be a little off. If you have 7 groups composed of 4 teams each, wouldn't that leave you with a total of 28 teams? Is there something to the rules of the competition that I am missing? If that should be the case, please ignore this comment.It is composed of 7 groups, with 4 four teams each, and all 52 teams are split into these 7 groups composed of 4 teams each.
3) You should aim to keep your sentences shorter and more succint. Use more periods (.) and fewer commas (,) when separating clauses. Also, remember to use relative pronouns, such as "which", and connectors, such as "and", when tying clauses and sentences together, instead of simply starting a new line of thought out of nowhere.
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- gabrielock
- Localização: Campo Grande, Brazil
- Membro desde: 11 Nov 2014, 20:04
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Well, I want to start off by defining what EUFA is for those participants of the forum who are not familar with football when it comes to competitions and stuff. What I wanna talk about in this one piece of text is about the Uefa, which stands for The Union of European Football Associations, but mostly refered by its acronym, and it's basically a competition which takes place every year (annually) on Setember 10th or so. It involves 72 teams throughout the Europe and the two teams on the top of the table of each league around the Europe can participate on this competition. It is composed of 7 groups , with 4 four teams in each group and all 52 teams are split into this 7 gropus composed by 4 teams each one. Once you've known how this competition works I can continue my text and tell you guys about an incredible match that took place last year. If I'm not wrong about Chelsea x Barcelona match, during all its first half of the game, the ball's possesion was with Barcelona, but then, during the second half of the game it was the other way round, Barcelona was the favorite to win the game, of course, since they were playing as the home team. The game was getting boring, though because Chelsea was playing very defensivelly, they didn't seem to want to do anything than parking the bus in front of goal and prevent Barça from scoring, but then all of a sudden Barça's player for my surprise, made a schoolboy error and that was vital. Chelsea's players didn't miss the chance and scored an amazing goal known as "lob from outside the box" and that goal put an end to the game, then it was too late to Barcelona to score an equalizing goal, since the game was coming to the/its end.