Correção de poema "My life is..."
- sophiaschimidt
- Membro desde: 12 Jun 2009, 07:15
- Perfil · 60 Pontos · 223 Mensagens
Sei que e dificil corrigir poema, mas eu agradeceria se as pessoas pudessem corrigir este pequeno poema que e parte de uma historia minha, ou melhora-lo com algumas expressoes ou palavras mais interessantes.
Obrigada desde ja
"My life is a blend of feelings,
Disturbances, madness
I fold my dreams into little pieces,
And keep them inside a heart-shaped envelope,
My brain is a bowl of breadcrumbs,
Perceptions of the light that won’t come,
A day happening in theory,
Your eyes spit clarity in my face,
Your feet crumble my existence,
Yet, I can’t stop being
A blend of everything at the same time,
Till the day where you will steal my envelope
And drown my heart
In the numbness of the lake”
Obrigada desde ja
"My life is a blend of feelings,
Disturbances, madness
I fold my dreams into little pieces,
And keep them inside a heart-shaped envelope,
My brain is a bowl of breadcrumbs,
Perceptions of the light that won’t come,
A day happening in theory,
Your eyes spit clarity in my face,
Your feet crumble my existence,
Yet, I can’t stop being
A blend of everything at the same time,
Till the day where you will steal my envelope
And drown my heart
In the numbness of the lake”
TESTE DE NÍVEL
10 respostas
Ordenar por: Data
- Marcio_Farias
- Membro desde: 10 Out 2009, 06:44
- Perfil · 12.7k Pontos · 5.7k Mensagens
You wrote the poem yourself? You did a hell of a wonderful job there!
- sophiaschimidt
- Membro desde: 12 Jun 2009, 07:15
- Perfil · 60 Pontos · 223 Mensagens
Yes I did, I always attempt to write things in english since I write in portuguese as well, oh thanks very much for your comment, any mistakes? Or better words to improve it?
- Marcio_Farias
- Membro desde: 10 Out 2009, 06:44
- Perfil · 12.7k Pontos · 5.7k Mensagens
I can't think of any that might work for your wonderfully written poem. Yes, they'd say it takes a poet to correct another poet's poem. Each poem takes on a personal characteristic you can't easily or flatly correct. Or debunk. Poetry words may even appear loosely placed, yet a poem reader may savor the poem and never find fault with it.
I don't find fault with your poem. I like it!
I don't find fault with your poem. I like it!
- w.slayman
- Bill Slayman - (In Memoriam)
- Localização: Pensacola, Florida, USA
- Membro desde: 01 Jun 2010, 21:19
- Perfil · 120 Pontos · 603 Mensagens
Sophia,
I am not a real fan of poetry, but your effort is quite remarkable, and very well done. You have much more tallent than me, and I will not pretend to suggest improvements when I can not do nearly as well,
I am not a real fan of poetry, but your effort is quite remarkable, and very well done. You have much more tallent than me, and I will not pretend to suggest improvements when I can not do nearly as well,
- dlr
- Membro desde: 03 Mai 2010, 05:03
- Perfil · 120 Pontos · 654 Mensagens
Well I am a big fan of poetry and as my 2 friends above have said, you did a very good job. Everything is coherent, no grammar mistakes, the poem flows nicely.
I like these lines:
"I fold my dreams into little pieces"
"A day happening in theory"
and I like the metaphor of the heart/envelope.
You should write more and post it on here, I would be happy to read it. I'm too ashamed to post my own poems
though my style is more visual and my expression of self is done more through symbolism than metaphors. My poems are a little less macabre than Poe and much less depressing, but I would say he's my biggest inspiration.
I like these lines:
"I fold my dreams into little pieces"
"A day happening in theory"
and I like the metaphor of the heart/envelope.
You should write more and post it on here, I would be happy to read it. I'm too ashamed to post my own poems
though my style is more visual and my expression of self is done more through symbolism than metaphors. My poems are a little less macabre than Poe and much less depressing, but I would say he's my biggest inspiration.
TESTE DE VOCABULÁRIO
- sophiaschimidt
- Membro desde: 12 Jun 2009, 07:15
- Perfil · 60 Pontos · 223 Mensagens
Wow thanks so much for the all the messages! 
I feel really happy and I feel like writing even more now,
I think it would be great if we exchange poems and ideas, feel free to write me an email: sophiaschimidt@hotmail.com, as I said before I write in portuguese and I came abroad to learn english and gain experience to write later, (also to make money to publish my book in Brazil, lol) turns out I decided to stay and now Im starting to write in english as well. I would love to read poems and texts from other people and together we could help each other with ideas and proofreading.
Thanks very much again guys)
these comments made my day!
I feel really happy and I feel like writing even more now, I think it would be great if we exchange poems and ideas, feel free to write me an email: sophiaschimidt@hotmail.com, as I said before I write in portuguese and I came abroad to learn english and gain experience to write later, (also to make money to publish my book in Brazil, lol) turns out I decided to stay and now Im starting to write in english as well. I would love to read poems and texts from other people and together we could help each other with ideas and proofreading.
Thanks very much again guys
)these comments made my day!
- dlr
- Membro desde: 03 Mai 2010, 05:03
- Perfil · 120 Pontos · 654 Mensagens
If you want feedback for your other poetry you send me a PM and I'd be happy to read it and share my writing as well.
- sophiaschimidt
- Membro desde: 12 Jun 2009, 07:15
- Perfil · 60 Pontos · 223 Mensagens
I'd love that, well I want more read other people's stuff than anything else, please forgive my stupidity, what is a PM? lol thanks
- Ravenna
- Membro desde: 12 Fev 2010, 18:55
- Perfil · 90 Pontos · 807 Mensagens
Hi Sophia,
Lindo poema^^
PM = MP (mensagem particular) *private message*
^^ C-ya!
Lindo poema^^
PM = MP (mensagem particular) *private message*
^^ C-ya!
- sophiaschimidt
- Membro desde: 12 Jun 2009, 07:15
- Perfil · 60 Pontos · 223 Mensagens
Thanks guys,
Dlr, I can't send any message for you right now since I've been punished, I can't send any PM that's why I couldn't find. But feel free to right me an email with your stuff and I will write you back.
my email: sophiaschimidt@hotmail.com
Dlr, I can't send any message for you right now since I've been punished, I can't send any PM that's why I couldn't find. But feel free to right me an email with your stuff and I will write you back.
my email: sophiaschimidt@hotmail.com