Correção de poema "The dead"

Domingos Alexandre
The dead

The dead are sleeping forever.
They will never disturb our dreams
But remain always quiet at their places
Waiting for the Light
That will never come.
The darkness is their heritage
In the River of Oblivion
Where they bathe their souls
So white as snow.
Editado pela última vez por Donay Mendonça em 02 Fev 2011, 16:19, em um total de 4 vezes.
Razão: Readaptar o post
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4 respostas
Ordenar por: Data

Domingos Alexandre
Gostaria de ter este poema corrigido, se for o caso

The dead

The dead are sleeping forever.
They will never disturb our dreams
But remain always quiet at their places
Waiting for the Light
That will never come.
The darkness is their heritage
In the River of Oblivion
Where they bathe their souls
So white as snow.


Domingos Alexandre

dlr 75
it's hard to correct poems because a slight change can make a huge difference, plus in poems it is ok to use grammar that you wouldn't use in normal writing or speech. Therefore any change that I make, you can accept or ignore, or change it again.

"But remain always quiet in their place"

"So white as snow" could be "As white as snow" if that's what you intended to say, but you can leave it the way it is now if you want.

Donay Mendonça 58065 22 97 1386
Complementando:

The dead

The dead are sleeping forever.
They will never disturb our dreams
But remain always quiet at their places
Waiting for the Light
That will never come.
Darkness is their heritage
In the River of Oblivion
Where they bathe their souls
As white as snow.


Concordo totalmente com o que DLR disse.

Domingos Alexandre
Obrigado pelas sugestões. Foram muito úteis.

D.A.