Correção de texto: CAE letter of application

Avatar do usuário Ancrispa 2555 8 57
Hi Again
Than you very much.
This is my first composition for CAE exam. I took the task from Flo-joe task of the week.
Dear Sir/Madam
I am writing to apply for the position of tour guide advertised in yesterday’s Correio newspaper.
The reason why I became interested in this vacancy is that I am very keen on working with tourists. Having worked first as a volunteer guide for foreigners during the World Youth Day, and after as a tour guide in an experimental project of Tourism secretary makes me a suitable person for the job. I went sightseeing with the foreigners and explained them about the history and other important information in a very engrossing way.
I have been living in this town since my childhood. Therefore, I am very familiarised with the town. I know all about its history, architecture, traditions and customs. I have been following its changes and economic development. I am very patient person what is a desirable quality when working with public. I also believe that I can make a good summary of the most relevant points when giving my speech to the tourists.
I have a degree in Tourism, and I have been working in this area for more than fifteen years. I am currently working in a travel agency where I hold the position of manager. Before this, I had worked in the hotel sector where I had the opportunity to become fluent in English. I have Cambridge Certificate in Advanced English (grade A) which guarantees my level of fluency in the English language.
I am willing to attend an interview any time starting from next week. I will be happy to supply you with further details should they required.

Yours faithfully,

Mais Votada Mais Votada

Avatar do usuário Artful Dodger 4500 6 13 103
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the position of tour guide advertised in yesterday’s Correio newspaper.

The reason why I became interested in this vacancy is that I am very keen on working with tourists. Having worked first as a volunteer guide for foreigners during the World Youth Day, and after as a tour guide in an experimental project of Tourism secretary makes me a suitable person for the job. I went sightseeing with the foreigners and explained them about the history and other important information in a very engrossing way.

2.[ I am interested in this vacancy because I am very keen on working with tourists. In my first job, I was a volunteer guide for foreigners during the World Youth Day. In the second, I guided tourists in an experimental project undertaken by the Tourism Secretariat. I went sightseeing with the foreigners, explained to them the local history and provided other important pieces of information, everything in a very engrossing way.]

I am very familiarised with this town, because I have been living here since my childhood. I know all about its history, architecture, traditions and customs. I have been following its changes and economic development. I am a fairly patient person, which is a desirable quality when working with the public. I also believe I can summarize the most relevant points when talking to the visitors.

I have a degree in Tourism and I have been working in this area for more than fifteen years. I am currently working in a travel agency where I hold the position of manager. Before this, I had worked in the hotel sector where I had the opportunity to become fluent in English. I have the Cambridge Certificate in Advanced English (grade A), which guarantees my level of fluency in the English language.

I'll be available for an interview at any time, starting next week. I will also be happy to provide any further details deemed necessary.

Yours faithfully,


Correction key:
Italic: not necessarily wrong, but it may not sound good. Consider revising!
Bold: problems with grammar, vocabulary or spelling.

Observations:

1. Do not use symbols ( like '/') in your writing, especially for CAE, an advanced exam.

2. Your sentences may be too long sometimes. Try to intercalate small sentences among the long ones, otherwise your composition may become tiresome for the reader. I rewrote the second paragraph to give you an example.

3. Use as many synonyms as you can to enrich your text: very (quite, rather, fairly, much, fully), tourist (visitor, tripper, traveler).

Cheers!
MENSAGEM PATROCINADA Aprenda dicas sobre os tempos verbais em inglês! Baixe agora o seu Guia Grátis de Tempos Verbais em Inglês. Ele contém um ótimo resumo para revisar todos os conceitos.

Clique aqui e saiba como baixar!
Avatar do usuário Ancrispa 2555 8 57
Thank you for your attention and help!