Correção de texto: CCJ adia votação de cassação de Delcídio

Hi, there

I was reading a article on Globo website and I tried to translate an excerpt into English. I would like to know if my translation is too bad. Could you proofread it?

Portuguese

Title:
CCJ adia para segunda-feira votação de processo de cassação de Delcidio

Subtitle:
Defesa do senador pediu adiamento para que ele possa comparecer. Comissão analisará aspects constitucional e jurídico do processo.

Article:
A Comissão de Constituição e Justiça (CCJ) do Senado decidiu nesta quinta-feira (5) adiar para segunda-feira (9) a votação do processo que pede a cassação do mandato do senador Delcídio do Amaral (sem partido-MS).
A apreciação estava marcada para esta quinta, mas, segundo senadores, foi remarcada para evitar a "judicialização" do caso e dar nova chance a Delcídio para comparecer.
Cabe à CCJ analisar os aspectos constitucionais, legais e jurídicos do relatório do Conselho de Ética.
Na quarta-feira (4), um dia após o Conselho de Ética do Senado ter recomendado a cassação do mandato de Delcídio, o relator do processo na CCJ, senador Ricardo Ferraço (PSDB-ES), apresentou parecer no qual avalia que o procedimento está de acordo com as leis.

English

Title
CCJ postpones Delcidio's ouster vote until next Monday

Secndary Title:
The senator's attorney requested that the vote be deferred so that he can attend the trial. The commission will examine constitutional and juridical aspects of the process.

Article:
The Senate's Constitution and Justice Commission decided Thursday to postpone the vote on Delcidio's removal from office(Currently Decídio doesn't belong to any political party). The hearing was set to take place this Wednesday afternoon, but it was rescheduled to give Delcidio a new opportunity to attend it.
It is CCJ's responsibility to analyze the juridical, constitutional and legal respects of the committee of the Chamber of Deputies's Council Of Ethics.
On Wednesday, one day after the Senate's Council of Ethics recommended that Delcídio be relieved of his post as senator, the senator overseeing the process of removal, Ricardo Ferraço, issued a report in which he states that the proceedings are in keeping with the law.

Source: Globo.com

Thank you so much!
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Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39195 6 32 684
English

Title:
CCJ postpones Delcidio's parliamentary session on the representative expulsion until next Monday.

Secndary Title: 
The senator's attorney requested that the session to be deferred so that he can attend the trial. The commission will examine constitutional and legal aspects of the process.

Article:
The Senate's Constitution and Justice Commission decided Thursday to postpone the voting on the revocation of the mandate of Delcídio (currently not affiliated to any political party/independent.).
The hearing was set to take place this Thursday (afternoon – was it in the item/in the news?), but it was rescheduled to give Delcidio a new opportunity to attend it and, at the same time, to avoid the judicialization of the process. 

It is CCJ's responsibility to analyze the legal, constitutional and legal aspects of the inquiry/report from the Ethics Council´s report (at this point it´s implicit that we are speaking of the Senate, not the Lower House?).

Last Wednesday, a day after the Senate's Council of Ethics having recommended that Delcídio be relieved of his post as senator [1], the reporting senator, Ricardo Ferraço, submitted the opinion from the commitee in which he states that the proceedings are in compliance with the Senate statutory regulations.

  • [1] be relieved of his post as a senator it´s a bit slangy (could be even be mistaken for a sarcastic remark), in some cases), dependending on the magazine/newspaper it would be replaced by “Delcídio be expelled and stripped of his political rights” etc...

===============
I kicked it off, but I am sure that it can polished further, let´s wait for more comments.
It´s not perfect or something, but I think that, at least it´s a better version than that one at Italki.
Paulo, first off, thank you so much for all your help!
You made very good points.

However, I am afraid I disagree with you on some points.

1) In the secondary tittle I wrote: "The senator's attorney requested that the vote be deferred so that he can attend the trial."... You rephrased it as follows: "The senator's attorney requested that the session to be deferred so that he can attend the trial." ... It is not gramatically correct to use "to + infinitive" after "request that".

2) You wrote:
Last Wednesday, a day after the Senate's Council of Ethics having recommended that Delcídio be relieved of his post as senator [1],...

It is gramatically wrong to use "doing something (having recommended) after "after + noun"... It should be "after (that) the Senate's Council of Ethics have recommended/recommended".

3) You wrote "be relieved of" is a little bit slangy. Actually, according to the Cambridge Dictionary, "relieved of" is regarded as a formal expression.

4) Finally, I couldn't figure out what you meant by "reporting senator" in the last paragraph.

That's all. As I said, I am very grateful to you for your points. You helped me a lot! Thank you!
Avatar do usuário Telma Regina 22725 9 58 570
My corrections and changes to your text are shown below:

Title:
CCJ postpones Delcidio's ouster vote until next Monday

Secondary title:
The senator's attorney requested that the vote to be deferred so that he can attend the trial. The commission will examine constitutional and juridical aspects of the process.

Article:
The Senate's Constitution and Justice Commission decided on Thursday to postpone the vote on removing Delcidio from office (currently Delcídio doesn't belong to any political party). The hearing was set to take place this Wednesday afternoon, but it was rescheduled to give Delcidio a new opportunity to attend it.

It is CCJ's responsibility to analyze the juridical, constitutional, and legal aspects of the committee of the Chamber of Deputies's Council Of Ethics Committee.

One day later, on Wednesday, the Senate's Council of Ethics recommended Delcídio to be relieved of his post as senator. The senator overseeing the process of removal, Ricardo Ferraço, issued a report in which he states that the proceedings are kept within the law.

(You've done a good job Gabriel)
Hello, Telma Regina.

Firstly, I would like to thank you for taking the time to reply to my post and help me improve my English. Thank you so much for all your good points!!

Secondly, I wanted to make two remarks about the verb "request" and "recommend"...
1- In the secondary title, you rewrote "
"The senator's attorney requested the vote to be deferred so that he can attend the trial"...
I know you can use the verb "request" in two ways: request someone to do something/request that something be done... However, you wrote "request the vote to be deferred" = request something to be deferred... I think it is not correct... You could say "The senator's attorney requested that the vote/voting be deferred..." or "The senator's attorney requested (someone) to defer the vote/voting".

2- In the last paragraph, you rewrote: "the Senate's Council of Ethics recommended Delcidio to be relieved of his post as senator"... I am afraid it is gramatically incorrect to say "recommended someone to do something"... I think it should "recommend (that) someone do something".


I think it is all. I really appreciated your proofreading. I will change the parts you corrected. Thank you so much!!
Avatar do usuário Juliana Rios 18850 21 98 389
I was reading a article on Globo website and I tried to translate an excerpt into English. I would like to know if my translation is too bad. Could you proofread it?

Too bad? How very modest of you. It most certainly isn't. For a minute I was not sure whether you were trying to translate an English article into Portuguese or the other way around. You did an outstanding job. I must be honest and say that I was suprised when I saw all the corrections suggested. Personally, I would leave the translation just as it is, with only a few minor adjustments that are probably best left unrecommended. You know what they say - if ain't broke, don't fix it.

On the grammar of "suggest / recommend / insist / demand / etc. that + subject + verb":

http://www.englishteachermelanie.com/gr ... b-suggest/

I particularly like the use of "in keeping with the law". This is a handy expression, which I haven't seen many students use. Good job, Gabriel.
Hi, Juliana Rios

Thank you so much for your comment! I really appreciate it. And I will check the link you posted. Thank you!
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39195 6 32 684
1) I agree with you, it should be "requested that the session be deferred...", the mistake was was out of haste (on my part).

2) Agreed.

3) I thought of "relieved" as a sarcastic way, and I thought about it metaphorically indeed, at the time of reading I had not been aware of the "relieved of" that you looked up on the dictionary. So, congrats on your doing the homework.

4) The reporting senator would be the one in charge of presenting a bill or the findings on an inquiry, etc. (relator). The one that does the reporting. Obviously, if in doubt you can use other synonyms.

As an aside note, I wouldn´t keep the initial CCJ on the title. Since if it´s intended to read by a reader (say, from abroad) that knows English "Senate Comission" or even "Senate" would do there. It would depend on you favoring a more formal/academical wording, then "The Brazilian Senate" - or - in a Journalese form where just "Senate" would do.

It´s my thinking, though, others may disagree or make more suggestions.

Your express yourself well in English, and I can say that you are a promising student of English, we will learn a lot from each other in this Forum, along with other members of it.

The other aspects of the text were dealt with by Juliana and Telma. Keep up the good work.
My comments:
In the secondary title, you wrote "The senator's attorney requested that the vote be deferred so that he can attend the trial"

We would say vote. People are voting at the polls is a continual thing. I´ve served on Committees and it is grammatically correct to say "Let´s vote on it / let´s put it to the vote / let´s defer the vote".

As for with the Law.

Now that is incorrect. Law is really rules and regulations, based on a Constitution, Cases & Customs or both. The real phrase is "within the law", that is, you are inside that Framework.
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Thank you , Erik

So should I say "voting" instead of "vote" in my text?
And is "in keeping with the law" incorrect?

Thank you.