Correção de texto: "Complaining to a Bank"

Avatar do usuário TheBigSpire 1070 1 6 25
Hi there!

Estou prestando o IELTS em 02 dias.
Minha meta era escrever 2 textos por dia nas últimas duas semanas, mas infelizmente meu tempo é curtíssimo e não consegui cumprir 100% da meta.
De qualquer forma, mando mais 1 texto aí embaixo, é uma Letter.
Se alguém tiver a possibilidade de corrigí-lo ou apontar ideias/mudanças será de grande valia!
Qualquer comentario é de grande ajuda!
Grato!


5. Complaining to a Bank

You have received a letter from your bank, asking you to acknowledge receipt of a new bank card. However, the card was missing from the envelope. Write a letter to the bank's head office. In your letter:
• explain why you are writing
• express concern about the missing card
• ask them what they intend to do
Begin your letter as follows: Dear



Dear Sir/Madam

I am writing you to describe a problem regarding my debit card. I received an envelope a couple of days ago, however, the card was missing from it. I simply opened the envelope and the card was not there. Nevertheless, all the other papers were in there as expected.

This is something that really concerns me, since my card is very likely to having being lost on its way. Who knows where my card is going to end up? And what if the person that gets it is a criminal? I need you to take care of all my personal information.

I would like to know which measures are going to be take in this issue and how long it will take until I get a new card. That is very important, as I prefer not to carry cash with me.

Thank you very much,

Yours sincerely,

Angelo Borsato

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Avatar do usuário Juliana Rios 18850 21 98 389
Hi Angelo! Here are some suggestions for your letter:

-----
Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing you about a problem regarding my debit card. I received an envelope a couple of days ago, but the card was missing from it. I opened the envelope and the card was simply not there. Nevertheless, all the accompanying materials were inside, as expected.

This is something that really concerns me, since my card is very likely to have been lost on its way (or "...has very likely been lost...", if you want to be more succint). Who knows where my card is going to end up? And what if the person that gets / finds it is a criminal? I need you to take care of all my personal information.

I would like to know which measures are going to be taken regarding this issue and how long it will be until I get a new card. That is very important, as I prefer not to carry cash with me.

Thank you very much.

Yours sincerely,
Angelo Borsato
-----

Nice job there. You'll do great. Keep it up!
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Avatar do usuário TheBigSpire 1070 1 6 25
Thank you very much, Juliana!

Duas perguntas:

1) Por que tu trocou o however to primeiro parágrafo por but?

2) Essa pode ser meio newbie, mas por que tu trocou o "how long it will take" por "how long it will be"?
Avatar do usuário Juliana Rios 18850 21 98 389
Olá Angelo!

1) Infelizmente, me esqueci de adicionar uma observação ao lado de "but", explicando que o uso de "however" não é incorreto. A opção por "but", contudo, torna a frase mais fluida e natural. Você pode manter "however", desde que o mesmo inicie a frase ou seja precedido por um ponto-e-vírgula. Por exemplo:

"I received an envelope a couple of days ago. However, the card was missing from it".

Ao conectar duas orações diretamente, contudo, entendo que "but" é uma melhor opção do que "however". Você encontrará alguma informação neste website:

http://speakspeak.com/resources/general ... se-however

2) Sugeri "be" para evitar repetição de "take", já que "taken" já havia sido utilizado na mesma sentença. Entendo que ambas formas sejam corretas, ainda que eu normalmente favoreça "to be" em sentenças que utilizam "until" e "before". As seguintes são construções que costumo associar ao uso de "take" e "be", quando referentes à duração de períodos de tempo:

It took him a while to get used to his new job.
It took a while for him to get used to his new job.
He took a while to get used to his new job.

It was a while before he got used to his new job.
It was a while until he got used to his new job.