Correção de texto: "Complaining to a Landlord"

Avatar do usuário TheBigSpire 1070 1 6 25
Hi there!

Estou prestando o IELTS em 12 dias.
Para focar forte nessa reta final, decidi escrever 2 textos por dia pegando samples de exames anteriores: Um será a carta (Letter) e o outro a dissertação (Essay).
Se alguém tiver a possibilidade de corrigí-los ou apontar ideias/mudanças será de grande valia!
Qualquer comentario é de grande ajuda!
Grato!




Letter: Complaining to a Landlord
You have been living in a rental apartment for the past year. Recently a new neighbour moved in who has loud parties several times a week. Write a letter complaining about this to the landlord. In your letter:
• explain the situation
• describe why it bothers you
• suggest a solution
Begin your letter as follows: Dear Mr / Ms _____________,
You should write at least 150 words. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.



Dear Landlord,

Since John moved in four weeks ago, he has been throwing several wild parties. They are generally set in weekdays and last until the sun shows up. I already tried to talk with him, nevertheless he is never in the mood to talk about it and always creates some excuse avoiding the discussion.

I already talked with the other tenants over here and everybody agrees that it is impossible to continue with the current situation: Apart from John, everybody wakes up very early to study and everyone has lots of daily tasks which require a good night of sleep.

I would like to ask you to talk with him about it to see if you can work out the situation. Should the parties are set during the weekends, perhaps things would get better to all of us, since this way even the tenants here would be able to join the celebration.

Thanks for your attention,
Regards,
Angelo

(159 words)




Essay: Should money be spent on space exploration?

As a science-fiction lover, I strongly support the space exploration. Even if billions of dollars were already spent, the several possibilities that this activity may provide are priceless.

Firstly, scientists have been coming across new chemical substances very often while exploring the space. It is quite reasonable thinking that some of these new substances could be very useful fighting against some severe diseases. And what if the cure for the cancer could be found in one of these substances?

Secondly, there is a chance of finding life in another planet. That would be the most amazing fact ever! The possibility of exchanging knowledge, habits and even affection with these new people is something that would change the history forever.
Finally, the possibility of space tourism is real and it could develop new transportation technologies as well as create new holiday options for people, even though in the beginning only rich people would be benefited.

Some people fighting against the poverty might say that the money spent on space exploration could save millions of people from starvation, however, they have to understand that both things are not related whatsoever. There is enough money for everybody even if the space exploration was to be increased. The problem is the concentration of the money with a few number of people whilst a huge amount has only a little.

In brief, I am still waiting for the day in which we are going to find a real extraterrestrial creature. I do hope I’ll be alive to witness this outstanding moment!


(256 words)

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Avatar do usuário Juliana Rios 18840 21 98 389
Hi Angelo! My suggestions are as follows:

Dear Sir (or Dear Mr. [landlord's last name]),

Since John moved in four weeks ago, he's been throwing ("giving" or "having" if you want to avoid sounding too informal) wild parties. They generally take place / occur / happen on weekdays and last until the sun comes up / rises (or "until sunrise"). I have tried to talk with him but he's never in the mood and always creates / makes up an excuse to avoid the discussion / avoid discussing the matter.

I have spoken with the other tenants and all of them agree that it's impossible to continue with this situation. Apart from John, everybody has to wake up very early to go to school / college and everyone has lots of daily tasks which require a good night of sleep. ("Waking up early to study" seems to imply that the person will be studying at home. If that is the intended meaning, you can leave the sentence as it was).

I would like to ask you to talk with him about it to see if you can work out the situation. If the parties were to take place / happen / occur at weekends ("on weekends" is the standard AmE form), things would be better for all of us, since this way even the tenants would be able to join in the celebration.

Thanks for your attention.
Regards,
Angelo

Just a not-so-quick note. 1) You would normally "join" a group of people and "join in" an activity. You could still say "join the celebration" though. It's certainly not uncommon. 2) You can use "should something happen" as a conditional statement, but I believe that it would be more common when referring to a future possibility. "Should any problems arise (in the future), you can contact me at my usual number".

------

As a science-fiction lover, I strongly support space exploration. Even if billions of dollars have already been spent, the several possibilities that this activity could provide are priceless.

Firstly, scientists have been coming across new chemical substances very often while exploring space. It is quite reasonable thinking that some of these new substances could be very useful in the fight against some severe diseases. And what if the cure for cancer could be found in one of these substances?

Secondly, there is a chance of finding life in another planet. That would be the most amazing discovery ever! The possibility of exchanging knowledge, habits and even affection with these new beings is something that would change history forever. Finally, the possibility of space tourism is real and it could help the development of new transportation technologies as well as create new holiday options for people, even though in the beginning only the richest would be benefited (the way you phrased it is not wrong).

Some of the people involved in the fight against poverty might say that the money spent on space exploration could save millions from starvation (this is to avoid the repeated use of the word "people"). However, they have to understand that both things are not related whatsoever. There is enough money for everybody even if space exploration were (the subjunctive mood requires "were" instead of "was") to develop into something greater. The problem is that wealth is (often) concentrated in the hands of a few whilst a huge amount of the population has only a little.

In brief, I am still waiting for the day on which (or "when") we are going to find a real extraterrestrial creature. I do hope I’ll be alive to witness this outstanding moment!

------

Angelo, you did a great job. Some of these suggestions are certainly not mandatory. Others are. Be careful when using the article "the". Words such as "space", "space exploration" and "cancer" do not require it. "History" does not take the article unless it refers to a specific account of historic events ("the history of space exploration").

Keep it up!
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Avatar do usuário Juliana Rios 18840 21 98 389
Correction:

"...account of historical events."

Historic event = A memorable event
Historical event = An event that has occured in history
Legal, não sabia dessa do historical vs. historic, Juliana.