Correção de texto: Composition

Hello, everyone. I'm a english learner (pre intermediate) and I want to know how good (or bad) is my writing. So, that's my composition (it's a little text XD) :

The future that I want

Perhaps it won't happen, but I dream one day live in New York. That's an amazing city, which people from everywhere makes then a "little world".
The culture, places (specially the Central Park), pubs, theatres and many other attractivies of the "world's heart" are good reasons to meet then.
As everybody wants to live there, New York is a expensive city. So I need to study hard and work as well to get my target.
Every night I think of walking down the NY's avenues, running in the central park, and watching a Broadway's musical. I'm hopping to realize this dream.
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Clique aqui e saiba como baixar!
Avatar do usuário Artful Dodger 4500 6 13 103
The future that I want

Perhaps it won't happen, but I dream of one day living in New York. That's an amazing city, with people from everywhere, what makes it a "little world".

The culture, tourist attractions (specially the Central Park), pubs, theatres and many other attractions of the heart of the world are good reasons to visit there.

As everybody wants to live there, New York is an expensive city. So I need to study hard, and work as well, to achieve my goal.

Every night I think about walking down the NY's avenues, running in the Central Park, and watching a musical on Broadway. I hope to be able to make this dream come true.

Correction key:
Italic: not necessarily wrong, but it probably did not sound good the way it was originally written.
Bold: problems with grammar, vocabulary or spelling.

Cheers!!
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39175 6 32 684
Hi Diego, just an in-passing comment.
I'm a english learner (pre intermediate) caught my eye, I thought it could be written this way: I'm an English learner (pre-intermediate). Just a minor correction, though.

All in all, after the corrections that Artful already suggested, we can see that your piece was creative, clear (albeit you need to wedge some prepositions etc, to let it still neater.)
All in all, it´s a good piece for a first, congrats on it and your wish to improve the quality of your writing. ;)