Correção de texto: Essay 1 (Ciência sem Fronteiras)

Olá.

Estou fazendo minha inscrição para o Ciência sem Fronteiras e uma das etapas é escrever uma redação falando sobre você. Esta é uma delas. Se possível, poderiam corrigir? Acredito que deva ter alguns erros gramaticais, mas como não sou muito bom nisto não consigo achar estes erros...

Obrigado!

In an essay of no less than 250 words and no more than 500 words, write a clear and detailed description of your study objectives. Be specific about your field of study and your specialized interests within this field.

I’m in eighth quarter in the Federal University of ABC, a public institution localized in Santo André, São Paulo, and studying Energy Engineering. This course give me the opportunity to study important fields that can be applied in our world, like Power Systems (Power Engineering), Thermal Systems (Thermal Engineering) and Energy Sources and Energy Planning. Also, I’m doing an internship in Sales Engineering at Alstom Grid Brazil where I'm seeing and learning about practical problems in Power Systems.

My objective is learning about technologies in Power Systems which not arrived in Brazil yet or has not many specialized workers, like digital analysis of power systems or Smart Grids. I also would like to study project management and/or economy for the purpose of increase my knowledge in business and in the future maybe open my own company.

My study focus is how integrating renewable types of energy, mainly wind energy, and power systems, how to predict problems and solve them. So, with the view to obtain knowledge in this area, I’m doing a research with the title: “Analysis of Distributed Wind Generators Including Statistical Models of Wind”. In addition, I’m also member of a power and energy group of IEEE, the PES (Power and Energy Society). In this group I'm managing projects that will help students develop their studies, like some technical visits (Henry Borden Hydroelectric, Itaipu Binacional – Tour to visit Itaipu from inside and learn about generation, electric equipment and energy distribution), workshops (Electrical Substations and High Voltage Equipments) and our new project called Networking without Borders, a project to integrate all PES Groups in world (Brazil, Australia, Turkey, Colombia and others) with the objective of integrate all students and develop projects that can change the world.

My wish is be the leader of this field of study, so I can use this technology to improve our life. In Brazil, as well in other parts of world, we have a lot of families that don’t have access to light. My goal is supply these families with light, a thing essential for our life. I’m also worried with the environment, so I’d like to do that using renewable energy. In short terms, in future I’d like to be coordinating some projects involving power systems, renewable energy and social nature.

In order to do that, I wish to study in the best university of my area, which is localized at USA. I hope I can learn about my fields of interest and can do some social and volunteer projects as well. Continue my works in IEEE PES is one of my objectives and, because the head office of PES is in USA, I think I’ll learn with the bests.

Out of academic study, I like to study others languages and being in USA will help me with the objective of be fluent in English. I also like to travel, know about others cultures, peoples and cities, so I think I’ll have a lot to discovery in USA.
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Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39195 6 32 684
My suggestion, others may improve and expand it, let´s wait for more comments.
Now the ball is on your courts, guys.



I am in my eight semester studying Energy Engineering at Federal University of ABC
I am currently in the eight semester studying Energy Engineering at Federal University of ABC.
This is my eight semester at Federal University of ABC, my major is Energy Engineering.
Paulo, agradeço pela correção, mas é que minha universidade funciona em regime trimestral e por isso não posso usar semestre. Aqui é um pouquinho diferente hahahaha
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39195 6 32 684
You are right. I wasn´t accostumed to this system.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Academic_term



This is my eight quarter/quadrimester at Federal University of ABC (a public university) in the conurbated area of ABC -tree cities known as ABC region), my major is Energy Engineering.

This is my eight quarter at Federal University of ABC (a public university) in the conurbated area of ABC -Greater Sao Paulo), my major is Energy Engineering.


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This course gives me/provides/offers the opportunity to study a range of important fields that can be applied in our world, such as: Power Systems (Power Engineering), Thermal Systems (Thermal Engineering), *along with Energy Sources and Energy Planning.
I am also doing an internship in Sales Engineering at Alstom Grid Brazil where I'm seeing and learning about practical problems in Power Systems.


"along with" was a device to get "and" out of the picture, or else we would have two "and" in this sentence end. :lol:



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Congrats on your writing! you display an avid interest in what you study and expressed this well, one could see.

I made some little suggestions here and there, but your text was very good, and congrats on embracing the challenge of of preparing yourself for the writing. Keep up the good job!
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39195 6 32 684
I am also doing an internship in Sales Engineering at Alstom Grid Brazil where I can have pratical experience, by using my academical education applied to pratical matters in the area (field) of Power Systems.



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Others may elaborate more on your piece of text, let´s wait for more. ;)