Correção de texto: "It was spring in 2009, and a holiday..."

Avatar do usuário Flavia.lm 3885 1 9 86
Pessoal,

Não gostei do trecho abaixo, parece que a tradução ficou muito fiel ao que eu queria dizer em Pt. Vcs poderiam reescrever, sugerir melhorias, etc?
É pra um artigo que preciso escrever pra escola, precisa ser bem informal

Tks in advance.

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It was spring in 2009, and a holiday was coming up. As usual, everybody was planning to spend it at the beach, but I wanted to avoid the (turmoil/nuisance/perturbation/pain/bore) of intense traffic and crowded places, so I decided to take the opposite way and travel to the countryside of the state.

Na parte sublinhada eu queria dizer “perturbação” ou “chatice”
É necessário “of the state” depois de “countryside”?

===

O parágrafo seguinte começa com
“A couple of months before I had spent some days at a friend’s farm in the city of Sao Pedro.”.

O corretor do Word tá me dizendo que o uso de "before" está errado. Fica claro que eu quero dizer “before the spring of 2009” (trecho já mencionado no primeiro parágrafo)?

Tks!
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Avatar do usuário Henry Cunha 9960 2 17 177
No seu primeiro parágrafo, qualquer das palavras funciona muito bem. Take your pick.

However, 'countryside of the state' is cumbersome. People would generally contrast 'going to the beach' with 'going inland,' or 'going to the countryside.' Just leave out 'state' as unnecessary.

The reason for not using 'before' is the confusion it causes, depending whether you attach 'before' to the preceding phrase (a couple of months before), or to what follows (before I had spent some days = antes de eu ter...). You can solve it with a comma after 'before,' but consider using "earlier," or "previously,"

But it is well written nevertheless. It flows as if written by a native. I like it.
Avatar do usuário Henry Cunha 9960 2 17 177
Would that be "Águas de S. Pedro"? I loved the place on my only visit ever.. A friend from childhood used to live there, and the fall we visited him the mango trees were spectacularly overladen with fruit.
Avatar do usuário Flavia.lm 3885 1 9 86
Hi Henry. Águas de São Pedro é uma cidadezinha perto de São Pedro, que é um pouco maior. It's past time you came to SP again, don't you think? Thank you for revising my text.
Avatar do usuário Henry Cunha 9960 2 17 177
I kept thinking there was something slightly odd about your opening phrase, but couldn't decide exactly what. I think this is it. We would probably tend to say

It was spring 2009 and a holiday... [or]
It was the spring of 2009 and a holiday...

Either include or omit both `the` and `of`.
The comma is optional. I might use it in the lengthier version, for cosmetic reasons.

Yes, we visited and enjoyed both São Pedro and Águas de S.P. Most enjoyable.

I'd love to go back now, but I'm stuck in Toronto for the summer and fall. The weather isn't half bad, mind you. Winter will drive me away, for sure.
Avatar do usuário dlr 65
I would write this:


It was spring 2009, and a holiday was coming up. As usual, everybody was planning to spend it at the beach, but I wanted to avoid the hassle of intense traffic and crowded places, so I decided to take the opposite way and travel to the countryside.

A couple of months earlier, I had spent a few days at a friend’s farm in the city of São Pedro.
Avatar do usuário Flavia.lm 3885 1 9 86
thank you, sirs!