Correção de Texto "On that day, I woke up..."

Eu tenho que enviar essa redação e vale nota, será que alguém poderia ler e ver se tem algum erro que eu deixei passar? :/

On that day, I woke up with a "crash" noise. My mom was finishing packing

my stuff, when something fell on the floor. When I got up, I saw that the broken

thing was my favorite cup and there was hot milk on top of the suit. By this moment,

I realized two things: first, that I, a 9-year-old girl, was REALLY going to travel

by plane alone and second, that my mom was more nervous than me. That is a lot of

nervousness! Then, everything went on, not far from my routine, except for the fact that

my mother seemed to pay attention to every single breath I took.

This was kind of making me feel strange. I mean, if the flight would be so simple

as she had told me, what was the reason for all the overprotection? By that time, I felt

very important, but crucially, I felt independent. I would be able to show my mom that

I could do stuff alone and she would be very proud. I couldn't feel more confident.

We arrived the airport by 9:30 am, two hours before the flight. Then, we went to

the company's balcony and explained my situation. They couldn't have been more gentle and

considerate. This made my mom feel more calm, which I considered great, since she looked

so pale that I thought that anything in that airport could make she burst into tears. This,

for my surprise, didn't happen - at least, not in front of me. Actually, the following

steps went on in a simple way: I entered the special room, then the plane. Then, I reached the

other airport and got my baggage. A kind stewardess took care of me the whole way. I, however,

was sure that I could have done it successfully alone. In my opinion, that's why I looked so

happy when I met my grandparents there.

In fact, they said that, more than happy, I looked very mature, but I am not sure

if this was just one of those exaggerations that grandparents say to make us feel well. My

mom, who was calling every five minutes, said that she was infinitely proud of her little

girl and, more importantly, that she was missing me enormously, what I have to admit

was totally reciprocal. Anyway, this day was a big step for me, and there are some moments I

will never forget.

Muuito obrigada ! ~ <3
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Avatar do usuário timphillips 560 7
Ola Shiitake,

If this is some kind of homework and the score will count in some important way, it seems to me that it would not be right to help you by correcting the text beforehand. Surely you want the score to reflect your actual ability.
Any evaluation process should be useful to inform future teaching and learning. This would not be the case, if the text were "pre-corrected" by someone other than the student.

Tim :D
Avatar do usuário Donay Mendonça 52185 21 84 1222
Hello Shiitake,

Não se preocupe com os erros,aprenda um pouco a cada dia.Existem estruturas que levam tempo para serem aprendidas,por isso tente escrever textos menores e mais simples até atingir o domínio para criar qualquer tipo.

Boa sorte!