Correção de texto: Police arrest weed sellers

Avatar do usuário OEstudantedeIngles 5450 2 16 106
Yesterday, Two cops, John and Lucil were hanging around Santa Marta beach when they saw something rather strange, so to speak.
Three men were selling cannabis for a cheap price and the passers-by seemed as they were liking it, they were buying as much as they could and nobody had called the police yet.
The two cops could not believe in his eyes when they saw that, they immediately called for back-up, they'd caught those idiots on the hop.
When the back-up arrived, and it was 10 police cars, the sellers realised what was happening there and started to sprint across the beach.
Catch that thugs!- Said one of the policemen, and all the cops started to run as well, trying to reach the 3 criminals, and they did it.
The cops caught the three guys and pushed them into a black car which would take 'em to the prison, maybe for good.

This text is crazy, but as I didn't have any other ideia... haha :)

May you check the errors for me?

Obs: The text has slangs and idioms, but that was my ideia, It is not a formal text.
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Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39195 6 32 684
To me it´s good as it is.
Let´s wait for more comments then.
Avatar do usuário OEstudantedeIngles 5450 2 16 106
Let's wait then :)
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39195 6 32 684
Well, buddy we can deem it QC-passed then. Congrats on your creativity and for daring to share it with the world !
Way to go, guy!

Just one suggestion I have (on second thought), a bit tinkering with you writing, but not a whale of a difference. Just another slightly different way to express something, though:

When they saw 10 ten cars packed with cops/police officers coming for back up, the sellers figured/realized (1) what was happening there [2] and started to sprint across the beach.


(1)I would favour "figured" but "realized" would do as well.
(2)My thinking is that the place (the beach) was cited beforehand, so the action would have to be "there". So, "there" don´t add much information, anyway it´s up to you to keep that word or not.
Avatar do usuário Daniel Reis 910 1 14
Olá,

O texto tá bom, mas me bateu uma duvida e gostaria de pedir uma ajuda a vocês:

(...)The two cops could not believe in his eyes when they saw that (...) = Não seria ''in their eyes'' uma vez que você está lidando com mais de uma pessoa?

Valeus
Avatar do usuário OEstudantedeIngles 5450 2 16 106
Exatamente Daniel! eu que escrevi errado, sorry :) valeu.

''The 2 cops could not believe THEIR eyes''
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39195 6 32 684
That´s an improvement! when you begin to make these types of questions you learn, that´s good. Same to self-correcting and figuring where it went wrong. Congrats, you both!
Ah, you are beggining to have an eye for detail Daniel ! This one had sift through my filters, he hee.
Legenda
>> : seu original
a > b : minha correção ( a sua versão está incorreta )
// : minha sugestão de alternativa ( a sua versão está correta, mas quero mostrar outra possibilidade )

>>Yesterday, Two cops, John and Lucil were hanging around Santa Marta beach when they saw something rather strange, so to speak.

Two cops > two cops
John and Lucil > John and Lucil,

>>Three men were selling cannabis for a cheap price and the passers-by seemed as they were liking it, they were buying as much as they could and nobody had called the police yet.

for a cheap price // for cheap
the passers-by > passersby

>>The two cops could not believe in his eyes when they saw that, they immediately called for back-up, they'd caught those idiots on the hop.

believe in his eyes > believe their eyes
when they saw that > and when they saw that
called for back-up // called for back up
they'd caught > they'd catch

Obs.: on the hop é British English.

>>When the back-up arrived, and it was 10 police cars, the sellers realised what was happening there and started to sprint across the beach.

realised > realized


>>Catch that thugs!- Said one of the policemen, and all the cops started to run as well, trying to reach the 3 criminals, and they did it.

Catch that thugs! > Catch those thugs! ( formal ) // Catch them thugs! ( informal )

>>The cops caught the three guys and pushed them into a black car which would take 'em to the prison, maybe for good.

The cops caught // The cops grabbed
to the prison > to prison

======

Parabéns! Me ensinou algumas expressões que eu não sabia.
Eu estava jantando e me ocorreu que eu errei em uma coisa nessa correção:

Não é:

Catch those thugs! ( formal )

O correto seria:

Catch these thugs!

those: aqueles
these: estes
that: aquele

Gramática básica, rs.
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Avatar do usuário OEstudantedeIngles 5450 2 16 106
Thanks for your help iamrcr :)
Só umas coisinhas: Realized e realised são a mesma coisa, isso depende se a pessoa é americana ou britânica.
passers-by pode ser escrito tanto com hífen ou sem.
na frase They'd(had) caught that idiots on the hop= Oh, eles tinham pego aqueles idiotas no flagra. com they'd catch o sentido iria ser outro.

That's it =) Thanks!