Correção de texto: Solitude amid the crowd

Alone amid the crowd is something that happens more often nowadays, you see people every day with their phones chatting in the "whats app" and not trying to socialize with someone that are physically at their side at that time being, they don't want to leave their comfort zone, it's too bothersome for them to start to know someone that they don't know anything about.

And then, they start to create a wall around themselves to avoid knowing someone new, that would disturb their "safe zones", living in their closed world where no one can create a social bond with them, because even if they have the social contact, it will not reach them.
They are living inside a social media world in a solitude amid the crowd.

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Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39195 6 32 684
I would suggest "WhatsApp", if I may. Would be just a minor correction, though. ;)
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Avatar do usuário Artful Dodger 4500 6 13 103
[1][2] Being alone amid the crowd is something that happens more often nowadays: you see people every day with their phones, chatting on "whats app" and not trying to socialize with anyone near them. They don't want to leave their comfort zones and it is too bothersome for them to get to know someone that they don't know anything about [3].

And then, they create a wall around themselves to avoid meeting [4] someone new, which would disturb their "safe zones". They would rather live in their closed world, where no one can create a social bond with them; even if someone interacts with them [5], they will not be reached [6]. They are living in a social media world in a state of solitude amid the crowd.

Correction key:
Italic: not necessarily wrong, but it probably did not sound good the way it was originally written.
Bold: problems with grammar, vocabulary or spelling.

Recommendations:
[1] Shouldn't your text have a title? When in doubt, provide one.

[2] The way you started your sentence was not very good, so I changed it slightly.

[3] This extract sounds redundant to me: "(...) start to know someone that they don't know anything about". I recommend you to replace it.

[4] Find out the difference between know and meet here: know-x-meet-x-get-to-know-qual-a-diferenca-t10691.html.

[5] I don't know exactly what you meant by "social contact", but I assumed it had an idea similar to interaction.

[6] I rewrote most of your sentence, because the second paragraph has the same ideas of the first one, only phrased in a different way.

[7] Solitude is an uncountable noun, so you may not use it as in the following extract: "(...) in a solitude amid the crowd". Only if there were a countable noun there you could use such structure.

[8] A last piece of advice: read! The only way to write properly is by reading content from different sources, such as magazines, newspapers, online blogs, books, etc. Find out what amuses you the most and start reading for ten minutes a day; the results will amaze you.

Cheers!!
Avatar do usuário Artful Dodger 4500 6 13 103
PPAULO escreveu:I would suggest "WhatsApp", if I may. Would be just a minor correction, though. ;)

Thanks for the observation, PPAULO; I had not noticed how he had spelled that word.

Goodevil, when you want to cite nominally a website in an essay, it is highly recommended for you to state the kind of web page you’re referring to. The reader might not know what you’re talking about, and that could lead to misinterpretation. For instance, you could have said “(..) chatting on the instant message app WhatsApp (…)”, rather than “(...) chatting on WhatsApp”.

Cheers!!
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39195 6 32 684
A bit of teamwork, there wasn´t almost anything to add to it, your answer had been an insightful and spotless one.
I myself overlook things in my proofreadings all the time, since I don´t have a spell checker. ;)
On the other hand, it adds some credibility. One will know that is not a robot that is behind the PC screen. :lol: