Correção de texto "Taylor and Jane were on the road..."

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Taylor and Jane were on the road. The car was running so fast. Suddenly, Taylor said:
Taylor: Hey, Jane! Where does Lisa live? I can´t remember it!
Jane: Oh, my love! Maybe Paul gets her phone number. I´m going to call him.
Paul: Hello?
Jane: Hello! Is that Paul?
Paul: Oh! Yes! What do you want, Jane?
Jane: Do you have Lisa´s phone number?
Paul: Oh...Let me see...Yes, I do. Her phone number is one six double five oh four two oh.
Jane: Thank you, Paul. See you soon.

Now, Jane calls Lisa.
Lisa: Hello? Who´s talking?
Jane: Hi, Lisa. It´s Jane. could you give your address?
Lisa: OH! My address is: R. Star club, 221. Near of the post office. It´s a blue house. Did you get me?
Jane: Uhm...Yes, I did. Ok! We´re going there. It´s a peace cake.
It was seven forty five in the evening. If everything comes right tonight will be a great day.
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Avatar do usuário Flavia.lm 3885 1 9 86
Sugestões:

The car was running very fast
Maybe Paul has her phone number
could you please give your address?
221 Star club St
Near the post office -> não use of após o near. Vc tb pode usar "close to"
It´s a piece of cake.
It was seven forty five in the evening. If everything comes right tonight will be a great day. --> os tempos verbais ficaram confusos; use tudo no passado ou tudo no presente.
Avatar do usuário DHST 675 1 2 12
Aproveitanto, há diferença entre dizer "Is that Paul?" e "Is this Paul?"
Avatar do usuário w.slayman 110
In addition to the suggestions made by Flavia, I would like to make the following suggestions:

"I can't remember it". Invites the question of what is "it", therefore I would prefer, "I can't rember her address.""

"Is that Paul?" Would be a question asked of a third person, so I think "Is this Paul?" is better when talking to Paul.

To a native speaker "If everything comes right ..." is awkward. A more natural way of saying this would be "If everything goes right ..." or "If everything works out right ... " or my last choice "If everything comes out right ..."

I hope this helps everyone.
Avatar do usuário DHST 675 1 2 12
Muito massa seu complemento, W.