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PPAULO escreveu:My name is Carl, and I a story to share (with you), I don't know how I say it, but, my tongue was very longer that the normal size!
-to my thinking, if you share a problem with everyone; Houston everyone has a problem!
-by your own narrative, your tongue is not abnormally long, not anymore.
I discovered this problem affects (not affect) 15% of the general population, and don't the precise number, but that´s it.
[i]This morning[/i] (OR -today on the morning, also; but I preffer "this morning'' because it´s shorter, and yet to the point).
Today at morning show/today at morning commute are, to me, good examples to show that "today
at morning" is usually used in other way.
I was leaving my house when I met a crazy scientist doing something weird with plants.
(Hmm, isn´t a bit odd? you just goes out and you meet a crazy scientist to whom the street is his lab? )
I asked what he was doing, and he said: I discover the cure for "long tongue syndrome".
Either he discovered (...he had discovered) or was trying to do, if he said he ''discover" you do found some oddball guy, either he was a bit crazy, on drugs, or he didn´t knew English well.
I accepted to drink a little -of- this "Magic Potion".
You failed to tell us what happened soon before that. So, he handed you the potion to you (and/or offered it to you, or perhaps he nodded and handed over the potion...
After that, I began feel bad, and dizzy.
"Feel bad" has this meaning, maybe it could confuse some people with feeling bad (feeling bad because mummy said that I should not accept treats, anything, from strangers etc.)
But then, okay, it´s grammatically right.
Then, two days ago I fell in the streets, and I woke up better than never.
It suggests that your long tongue was some kind of discomfort on the mouth? some painful condition? or just some incovenience?
You could have elaborated more on this one, like saying some like "I feel in the streets, and it happened! I knew in that very instant, that
it worked! I had some bumps on the head, but now the tongue was normal."
I looked myself in the mirror and realized that my tongue was healed!
Okay here you elaborated more, just what I wanted you did. But when reading your above piece, your punctuation made it disconnect with the
part I pointed out above, perhaps it was in need of some commas, semicolons, change of some sentences etc.
But I have a brand new problem now, I just can't speak! I became silent, that´s why that I say: Don't trust in crazy people!
Your story is really creative! you have potential to be a great writer! Just need some adjusting, but overall very good!
And that´s my comment, others may add theirs and polish your writing it further. And my own text too. See ya!