Correção de texto: What happened today

Good afternoon, everyone! :)
I've started to write compositions to improve and practise my English. The following text was written yesterday. Since now, I apreciate the comments.

What happened today
Earlier in the afternoon, when I was coming home as usual, I heard shots. I was walking nearly a famous church located in downtown when the shooting started. At first I was scared, then I ran toward the subway. When I got there, there was a lot of people who had done the sams thing. I didn't stay there to see what happened, because there was a crowd around the spot. Besises, it wouldn't do any good.

When I got home and talked to my mon about the occurence, she got shocked. However, there was no news on TV. Yet. When I checked my facebook page, someone had posted everything (in details). A video had been upload onthe group of my university. After a couple hours, the fact would take over the news.

What happened was very tragic, and I feel sorry about the two men who died. One of them was the one who saved the hostage. He ended up dead in cold blood. The other one was the bandit. Neither should have died.

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3 respostas
Cinnamon 15 61 498
Hi there!
Excellent text, I've just provided some tips:

Earlier in the afternoon, when I was coming home as usual, I heard shots. I was walking nearly near (nearly is an adverb, in this context maybe is better to use just near) famous church located in (not necessary so many words, so just do not use that) downtown when the shooting started. At first I was scared, then I ran toward the subway. When I got there, there was a lot of people who had done the same thing. I didn't stay there to see what happened, because there was a crowd around the spot. Besises, it wouldn't do any good.

When I got home and talked to my mom about the occurence, she got shocked. However, there was no news on TV. yet. When I checked my facebook page, someone had posted everything (in details). A video had been uploaded on the group of my university by my (the) college group/university group. After a couple of hours, the fact would take over the news. (maybe better collocations: spread, dominate, to be on the news, to be broadcasted all over the place/the world/the city). ;)

What happened was very tragic, and I feel sorry about the two men who died. One of them was the one who saved the hostage. He ended up dead in cold blood. The other one was the bandit. Neither should have died.

Notes: I wrote some tips between ( ), some are just a point of view and other some mispellings or minor corrections, right! :?:
Great job!

:geek:
Cinnamon 15 61 498
:roll: I've just misspelled the word misspell, funny I guess.

Cheers!
Thank you, Cinnamon! :) Your comments were very helpful.
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