Correção de Texto: Why do you think people attend college?

Topic: People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

My text:

In my opinion, people attend college or university to be prepared to engage into the professional market and to learn new things to have a nice job. We can’t avoid: we need money to live! So, if we need money to live, we have to have a nice job to live better. If we study and prepare ourselves to the professional market, wich is a huge step to be in front of the other candidates, the possibility to win the place you want in an amazing company, grows.
In the other side, there are a lot of people that attend college or university just because of the knowledge and don’t care if their jobs are going to be good. These people aren’t fascinating by companys, much money, or even relationships. They’re thirsty of knowledge. But, if it makes them happy, that’s ok.
Nowadays, univeristy cares about the student objective. To explain that, we have the example of the huge diversity areas to study. You can attend to a course wich is more technical, or other one that focus on comunication. Or you can study to be a teacher or maybe the director of a company. You choose.
So, I think people have to study, cause that’s the reason why country can grow and new discovers can happen!

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2 respostas
PPAULO 6 48 1.1k
There goes my kick-off:
I would change "professional market" to "job market".
It strucks me when I read this headline "Apple appears to be abandoning the professional market in favor of the more lucrative consumer market."

In other words, "professional" used as the, somehow, opposite side of consumer market. That is, in your text you don´t refer to a established professional of a certain field, no you refer to the brand new student that finished college and it is going to the job market. So, to avoid ambiguity, I would favour "job market"
My view, tough. Other may or may not think different. Let´s wait further comments.
PPAULO 6 48 1.1k
In your piece of text (leaving out the title) I could count "attend college" four times, and "attended to a course" once. You really got the bug of the word "attend"! huh?
So, if I were you, I would consider changing the following bit:

On* the other hand, there a lot of people at universities whose main interest is knowledge/learning well and intelectual challenge. They don´t focus too much on solely getting a highly paid job/position in the near future. Summing up, they put learning ahead of money.

Well, I am no teacher, just a student (so excuse me my bad English). Let´s wait the natives, teachers, or more advanced students give their two pences´worth. Let´s wait.