Correção de um "Perfil" (Trabalho acadêmico)

Olá. Alguém poderia corrigir meu "Perfil"? Trata-se de um trabalho acadêmico importante, fico muito grato com a atenção e ajuda. Abraços.

My name is XXX and I’m 18 years old. I was born and raised in YYY and my family belongs to the Catholic Church. I lived with my parents and my big sister, but I moved to ZZZ and now I live by myself. I’m in the 1st year bachelor of Engineering in Production Engineering from the UNIFEI and I’m enjoying the course.
I’m a tall, skinny and dark-haired boy and have hazel eyes. I’m shy in talking to strangers, because I like watching people and observing their behavior. I also like studying Math and History, but hate Physics. My favorite place is my home, but I love to travel. One of my favorite hobbies is to watch TV series.
At last, I just wanna give the best of me and always do whatever I can to make the people I love feel good. Three places I’d like to visit before I die are Jerusalem, Athens and London. I'd also like meet new and interesting people and be succesfull in life.
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Sugestões de correção:

My name is XXX and I’m 18 years old. I was born and raised in YYY and my family is Catholic. I lived with my parents and my older sister, but I moved to ZZZ and now I'm living by myself. I’m in my 1st year of Engineering in Production Engineering from UNIFEI and I’m enjoying the course.
I’m a tall, slim and dark-haired guy and I have hazel eyes. I’m shy about talking to strangers, because first I usually try to observe their behavior. I also like studying Math and History, but hate Physics. My favorite place is my home, but I love to travel. One of my favorite hobbies is to watch TV series.
At last, I just want to try my best and always do whatever I can to make the people I love feel good. Three places I’d like to visit before I die are Jerusalem, Athens and London. I'd also like to meet new and interesting people and be succesfull in life.
Muito obrigado, Donay Mendonça. Muito louvável sua atitude de ajudar pessoas que estão aprendendo inglês, parabéns! Errei menos do que esperava.. ;)