Essay para o Ciência sem Fronteiras - Perspectives in the US

Perspectives in the U.S.: In an essay of no less than 250 words and no more than 500 words, explain the unique perspectives you hope to gain in the U.S. and how you intend to use these skills, knowledge and experience upon your return to your home country

Despite the quality of the Brazilian education is growing up in recent years, improvements can still be done and this country, like the others, has its educational weaknesses. International partnerships are an essential part that will allow Brazil to reach a better position in scientific fields. It is known that The United States has a great investment in scientific researches and because of this I believe that studying in the United States of America by the Science Without Borders Program can be a great opportunity to bring new knowledge to my country and contribute to its development.
Studying abroad can provide students an unexplained opportunity of growth in many aspects. This experience can change the students’ lives. It will make me better prepared for the labor market and will help me in my academic career. Furthermore, since I am currently in a research project that studies text mining applied to the identification of social presence, bring new techniques and scientific knowledge will be amazing and can give new perspectives and approaches that would enrich our research environment.
Moreover, this experience will improve my skills as an English speaker. Despite I am fluent in English I am sure that studying in an American university will provide me a great fluency in academic surroundings and that my general abilities in this language will be improved too by living in the United States during the course time. And it is very important to my academic and professional career since mainly important journals, articles and other scientific publications are written in this language, mainly in the Information Systems fields that is my area of studying. So I firmly believe that learning more of this language will facilitate my access to the scientific community and, consequently, contribute to a brilliant and productive career.
As I said, I am currently engaged in a research project at my College and in this project I study the Text-Mining area applied to the identification of the social presence of the students in educational forums and chats on the Moodle Platform. Therefore, it is a field that interests me very much and here, in Brazil, Attending classes that approach this field is very difficult. Having specialized professors teaching subjects that involve this field in undergraduate programs is tough. However, in the United States I will find this type of professionals and I believe that they will offer me the motivation and knowledge that I would not have otherwise. It will be outstanding for me and I will be able to apply these acquired skills in my country.
To summarize, this exchange will provide me a great development in many aspects of my professional, research and academic career. Since I will acquire new specialized knowledge that I would not find in my country, when I return to Brazil I will be able to collaborate to the Brazilian development by applying this knowledge in my future academic and corporative career and in Brazilian education as a professor that I aim to be.

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Avatar do usuário Juliana Rios 18850 21 98 389
Olá RayRay. Irei sugerir algumas alterações para sua dissertação. Algumas são correções da gramática, outras são sugestões de caráter estilístico ou semântico. Os comentários estão em itálico e dentro de [colchetes].

Despite an increase in ["despite" exige um substantivo ou gerúndio] the quality of the Brazil's education is growing up in recent years [usamos "grow up" para seres humanos - em outros contextos, "grow" é um verbo auto-suficiente], improvements can still be made in this country, which, like the others, has its education(al) issues. International partnerships are essential in allowing [concisão] Brazil to reach a better position in scientific fields. It is known that The United States make great investments in scientific research ["research" é incontável] and, because of this, I believe that studying there through the Science Without Borders Program can be a great opportunity to bring new knowledge to my country and contribute to its development.
Studying abroad can provide students with an incredible opportunity for growth in many aspects, and this can change students’ lives. It should make me better prepared for the labor market and will help me in my academic career. Furthermore, since I am currently involved in a research project focused on the application of text mining to the identification of social presence, bringing in new techniques and scientific knowledge should be amazing and can [desnecessário, por estar implícito] provide new perspectives and approaches capable of enriching our research environment.
Moreover, this experience will certainly improve my skills as an English speaker. Although I am fluent in English, I am sure that being immersed in an English-speaking environment will further enhance my academic and everyday language skills [concisão e estilo]. Besides, some of the main journals, articles and scientific publications are written in this language, chiefly [evitar repetição de "mainly"] in the fields of Information Systems, which are my area of study. For these reasons [estilo e fluxo], I firmly believe that learning more about the language will facilitate my access into [semântica] the scientific community and, consequently, contribute to a brilliant and productive career.
As I said, I am currently engaged in a research project at my university in which I study the area of text-mining and its application to the identification of students' social presence in educational forums and chats on the Moodle Platform. Therefore, it is a field that interests me greatly [estilo]. Unfortunately, in Brazil, attending classes that approach this field is very difficult. Having specialized professors teaching subjects that involve this field in undergraduate programs is rare. In the United States, however, I am much more likely to [argumento original sem suporte suficiente] find these types of professionals and I believe that they will give me the motivation and knowledge that I would not be able to have otherwise. It will be outstanding for me and I will be able to apply the acquired skills in my country.
To summarize, this exchange program will provide me with a great opportunity for development in many aspects of my professional research and academic career. Since I will acquire new specialized knowledge that I would not find in my country, upon my [estilo] return to Brazil, I will be able to collaborate in [colocação] Brazil's development by applying this knowledge to my future academic and corporate career, as well as in Brazilian education, as a professor, which I am to become.

RayRay, lendo o seu texto, é fácil perceber que você possui um domínio muito amplo do inglês. Entretanto, notei alguns pontos que podem ser trabalhados, e que não necessariamente concernem o idioma, mas a estruturação do texto em si. Percebi que você busca enfatizar certas ideias de maneira demasiada, usando uma elevada quantidade de sinônimos e repetição. Isso torna o texto prolixo e repetitivo. Por isso, não tenha medo de "enxugar" o texto final, removendo partes que simplesmente reafirmam ideias já abordadas sem acrescentar conteúdo, e reduzindos frases longas, capazes de ocupar um parágrafo inteiro e com diversos "and's", a uma frase clara e concisa. Eu entendo que, muitas vezes, sentimos a necessidade de reforçar certas ideias ou usar diversas estruturas diferentes ao abordar o mesmo tema, mas, no final das contas, isso apenas deprecia a experiência do leitor. Lembre que o inglês é um idioma muito mais conciso e econômico que o português, e que isso deve se refletir na produção de textos e em traduções.

Outros pontos:

1) Fuja de generalizações. Qualquer afirmação, por mais óbvia que pareça ser, deve respeitar uma regrinha simples: se houver 1% de possibilidade de ser incorreta, insira um recurso de amortecimento - por exemplo, em vez de dizer "all politicians are corrupt", diga "a great many politicians are corrupt". No texto, um desses recursos é "should" (expressando elevada probabilidade) em vez de "will".

2) Notei que você tem alguma dificuldade em diferenciar despite e in spite of (preposições) de though, although, even though etc. (conjunções). O link a seguir poderá ser de ajuda:

https://www.englishexperts.com.br/1 ... e-despite/

3) Muitas das alterações que eu sugeri são meras opções de estilo para adicionar variedade à dissertação, e não significam que as formas originais estavam incorretas, ou ruins. Seu texto original está muito bom, e seu inglês é elogiável. Keep it up!

P.s.: Não se esqueça do título!
MENSAGEM PATROCINADA Aprenda dicas sobre os tempos verbais em inglês! Baixe agora o seu Guia Grátis de Tempos Verbais em Inglês. Ele contém um ótimo resumo para revisar todos os conceitos.

Clique aqui e saiba como baixar!
Muito obrigada Juliana! Vou dar uma revisada. :D