Grammar Nazi - really funny !!!

TRANSCRIPT
I made by ear, sorry for the errors and missing parts.
If anyone can help, be my guest.

COLONEL LANDA: Good morning, Monsieur LaPadite. I'm Colonel Hans Landa of the SS. I was hoping you can invite me inside your home and we can have a discussion.
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: Of course, please come.
COLONEL LANDA: Now as you may have heard I'm in charge of grounding a band of jews in this village.
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: Yes, I have heard that.
COLONEL LANDA: Are you aware of any jews hiding in the area?
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: No, I assure you there haven't no jews in this village.
COLONEL LANDA: There haven't been no jews? So there have been some jews.
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: Oh, ah, sorry, no, I meant there haven't been any jews... no jews here.
COLONEL LANDA: Sorry, I was confused by a double negative. You see grammar is very important to the nazi party. Now, are you familiar with one Shosanna Dreyfus?
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: Yes, I know her. Me and her buy our milk at the same market.
COLONEL LANDA: Me and her? I'm sure you were meant to say she and I, no?
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: Yes, of course
COLONEL LANDA: The trick is to take the other person out of the sentence to see if it makes sense. Me buy milk? I think not, I buy milk. You see?
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: I swear I do not know -------- Mrs. Dreyfuss is at.
COLONEL LANDA: Did you just end a sentence with a preposition?
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: Forgive me, colonel.
COLONEL LANDA: When were the last time you saw the jew Dreyfus?
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: About a month ago I was walking by the river bayou and I saw Dreyfus fishing so I went down to the river bank to see if it was her but I couldn't get her confused.
COLONEL LANDA: Did you really think I was so stupid I wouldn't recognize a run-on sentence?
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: I'm sorry there was no jews here.
COLONEL LANDA: Jew or jews-plural?
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: Plural.
COLONEL LANDA: Wrong. You have to match your subject with your verb.
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: What do you want from me?
COLONEL LANDA: I found for numerous sources, you are hiding mademoiselle Dreyfus.
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: From who?
COLONEL LANDA: From whom.
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: Don't kill me, please.
COLONEL LANDA: Monsieur Lapadite, I have one more question for you, if you answer it correctly, I will leave you and your family at peace. If not, you are coming with me. Now, let's say you were writing a list, would you or would you not put a comma before the end?
SHOSANNA DREYFUS: It depends on what you are following, if the Chicago Manual of Style or The Associated Press grammar.
COLONEL LANDA: Hiding under the floor boards, I have finally found you.
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: Wait! You are hiding under the floor boards or she?
SHOSANNA DREYFUS: A dangling participle.
COLONEL LANDA: A dangling participle.

Dude Spell,

Por favor não utilize cores nas mensagens aqui do fórum.

Agradeço a colaboração!

Alessandro escreveu:- Evitar enviar mensagens EXCLUSIVAMENTE EM MAIÚSCULAS ou grifos exagerados ou em HTML. Se bem empregadas, as maiúsculas podem ajudar a destacar, mas em excesso, a prática é compreendida como se você estivesse gritando, podendo causar irritação ou fazer com que o interlocutor se sinta ofendido. HTML aumenta substancialmente o tamanho das mensagens, o que impacta desnecessariamente o uso da largura de banda nos servidores.

- De maneira geral, procure não usar recursos de edição de texto, como cores, tamanho da fonte, tags especiais, etc, em excesso. Use-os, como explicado no item acima, para destacar palavras e expressões importantes, nunca para dar destaque injustificado à mensagem como um todo (mesmo que sua mensagem possua apenas três palavras).

Mil desculpas, já até havia lido sobre mas não havia me dado conta para o detalhe da banda. Tá avisado e entendido.

dude, your transcription is 99% perfect! well done!

COLONEL LANDA: Good morning, Monsieur LaPadite. I'm Colonel Hans Landa of the SS. I was hoping you can invite me inside your home and we can have a discussion.
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: Of course, please come.
COLONEL LANDA: Now as you may have heard I'm in charge of rounding up all the jews in this village.
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: Yes, I have heard that.
COLONEL LANDA: Are you aware of any jews hiding in the area?
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: No, I assure you there haven't no jews in this village.
COLONEL LANDA: There haven't been no jews? So there have been some jews.
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: Oh, ah, sorry, no, I meant there haven't been any jews... no jews here.
COLONEL LANDA: Sorry, I was confused by a double negative. You see grammar is very important to the nazi party. Now, are you familiar with one Shosanna Dreyfus?
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: Yes, I know her. Me and her buy our milk at the same market.
COLONEL LANDA: Me and her? Surely you meant to say she and I, no?
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: Yes, of course
COLONEL LANDA: The trick is to take the other person out of the sentence to see if it makes sense. Me buy milk? I think not, I buy milk. You see?
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: I swear I do not know where mademoiselle Dreyfus is at.
COLONEL LANDA: Did you just end a sentence with a preposition?
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: Forgive me, colonel.
COLONEL LANDA: When was the last time you saw the jew Dreyfus?
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: About a month ago I was walking by the river Bayonne and I saw Dreyfus fishing so I went down to the river bank to see if it was her but I couldn't get a good view...
COLONEL LANDA: Did you really think I was so stupid I wouldn't recognize a run-on sentence?
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: I'm sorry there was no jews here.
COLONEL LANDA: Jew or jews-plural?
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: Plural.
COLONEL LANDA: Wrong. You have to match your subject with your verb.
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: What do you want from me?
COLONEL LANDA: I've heard from numerous sources, you are hiding mademoiselle Dreyfus.
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: From who?
COLONEL LANDA: From whom.
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: Don't kill me, please.
COLONEL LANDA: Monsieur Lapadite, I have one more question for you, if you answer it correctly, I will leave you and your family at peace. If not, you are coming with me. Now, let's say you were writing a list, would you or would you not put a comma before the end?
SHOSANNA DREYFUS: It depends on whether you are following the Chicago Manual of Style or The Associated Press guide.
COLONEL LANDA: Hiding under the floor boards, I have finally found you.
MONSIEUR LAPADITE: Wait! You are hiding under the floor boards or is she?
SHOSANNA DREYFUS: A dangling participle.
COLONEL LANDA: A dangling participle.

Thanks a lot, dlr !!!

It's weird how the mistakes and missing parts look so obvious after someone else takes those parts down.