Que tal praticarmos um pouco de "writing"?

Avatar do usuário felipeh6 2150 7 52
... and then he decided to watch TV. What a surprise! A police program was showing a crime scene and a dead body of a beautiful lady was being shown in that chanel. He started to be afraid, his hands were sweating and suddenly he decided to run away without a destiny and some blood was coming out of one of his arms again, when ...
Avatar do usuário Marcio_Farias 12280 1 21 206
... out of the sky came this big boulder of a rock, the biggest, nightmarishly fiery rock a human being had ever dreamed of setting eyes on. His eyes followed it. By the size and bulk of it he instantly realized it might devastate an area greater than municipal Altamira, Pará. This he mentally calculated about as quickly as the Tom Cruise's Rain Man character counted match sticks no matter how many landed on the floor. "Omigod," he shouted, "where can a poor soul find shelter from this big, falling fiery rock?" And then it hit...
MENSAGEM PATROCINADA Aprenda dicas sobre os tempos verbais em inglês! Baixe agora o seu Guia Grátis de Tempos Verbais em Inglês. Ele contém um ótimo resumo para revisar todos os conceitos.

Clique aqui e saiba como baixar!
donay mendonça escreveu:Hi Folks,

...he woke up early in the morning and realised that everything he had been going through was just a nightmare, things went back to normal as time passed and he suddenly felt that drinking too much could be dangerous sometimes,Red Bull gives you wings but they can take you too high...


:D


Muito bem Donay, otimo final. A historinha jah tava ficando sem controle... lmao...

:D
In this excerpt from the story we can infer many things like:
He and a killer who's in search of someone (that is right)
I think the point and (why)
How we can rewrite the story, I'll make my final story as:
He was looking for his cousin who took his girlfriend.
What did you think?
Avatar do usuário Marcio_Farias 12280 1 21 206
Good. That'll set the pillars for yet a new, bigger story. Start another story, anyone?
Olá a todos! Pessoal, como eu iniciei essa história, gostaria de continuá-la para o seu desfecho, porém gostaria que fosse algo menos fantástico. Num clima mais "noir", o que acham? Obrigado pelas participações!
PS: quando participarem citem o último trecho!


Marcio_Farias escreveu:... out of the sky came this big boulder of a rock, the biggest, nightmarishly fiery rock a human being had ever dreamed of setting eyes on. His eyes followed it. By the size and bulk of it he instantly realized it might devastate an area greater than municipal Altamira, Pará. This he mentally calculated about as quickly as the Tom Cruise's Rain Man character counted match sticks no matter how many landed on the floor. "Omigod," he shouted, "where can a poor soul find shelter from this big, falling fiery rock?" And then it hit...



...on the ground. The impact turned him in pieces with a strong blast. Dark. Everything was dark, but his conscience still remained. In a huge limb,a insane laugh,a strident and disquieting laugh as the devil himself echoed in his head. And in an huge effort , he tried to guess where he really was. His only hope remained on that weak flame of lucidity.
So, he opened his eyes.He was in a completely dark room, except for a strong light pointed in his direction. When he tried to move his arms to protect himself from that annoying bright, he realized that his arms were bound. Lying on a stretcher, he heard beside a familiar voice: "Have you had fun enough, Agent Jackson? How about moving to the next phase of the experiment?" While he tried to vomit, Jackson realized that everything really been nothing but a hallucination caused by a unhealthy serial killer he was investigating. Yes, now he remembered. He had come too close to The Elevator killer.
Avatar do usuário felipeh6 2150 7 52
He left the dark room and called two people. The first one, Mr. Douglas Quaid from "Total Recall" and the second one, Mr. Jason Bourne from "The Bourne Identity". Now, he was ready to start. After the calls, he ...
felipeh6 escreveu:He left the dark room and called two people. The first one, Mr. Douglas Quaid from "Total Recall" and the second one, Mr. Jason Bourne from "The Bourne Identity". Now, he was ready to start. After the calls, he ...


E aí Felipe! Só uma pergunta: como ele conseguiu sair da sala se estava amarrado? Poderia re-escrever explicando isso? Tem que ser convicente!!

De qualquer forma valeu pela participação!
Avatar do usuário felipeh6 2150 7 52
aluisiomaia escreveu:
felipeh6 escreveu:He left the dark room and called two people. The first one, Mr. Douglas Quaid from "Total Recall" and the second one, Mr. Jason Bourne from "The Bourne Identity". Now, he was ready to start. After the calls, he ...


E aí Felipe! Só uma pergunta: como ele conseguiu sair da sala se estava amarrado? Poderia re-escrever explicando isso? Tem que ser convicente!!

De qualquer forma valeu pela participação!


you wrote " he realized that his arms were bound " and not his legs. And maybe someone helped him... sometimes you do not need to write everything, because somethings are hidden between the words ... ;)
MENSAGEM PATROCINADA Há quanto tempo você estuda inglês? Já passou por sua cabeça que você pode estar estudando de uma forma que dá pouco ou quase nenhum resultado? Que tal fazer um intensivo de inglês de 180 dias e recuperar o tempo perdido? Em 6 meses você pode elevar o seu inglês a um novo patamar.

Clique aqui para conhecer o curso!
felipeh6 escreveu:
aluisiomaia escreveu:
felipeh6 escreveu:He left the dark room and called two people. The first one, Mr. Douglas Quaid from "Total Recall" and the second one, Mr. Jason Bourne from "The Bourne Identity". Now, he was ready to start. After the calls, he ...


E aí Felipe! Só uma pergunta: como ele conseguiu sair da sala se estava amarrado? Poderia re-escrever explicando isso? Tem que ser convicente!!

De qualquer forma valeu pela participação!


you wrote " he realized that his arms were bound " and not his legs. And maybe someone helped him... sometimes you do not need to write everything, because somethings are hidden between the words ... ;)


Mas você não acha que a explicação imprimiria muito mais ação e convencimento? Imagine um filme em que numa cena aparece um cara drogado/sedado e cheio de náuseas amarrado pelos pulsos e com o seu algoz preparando uma nova "experiência" bem do seu lado e na outra cena o cara já está livre e ligando para os seus companheiros? O que aconteceu? O que aconteceu com o "Elevator Killer"? Onde ele estava no momento em que Jackson se livrou das amarrras? Como ele se livrou? Usou as pernas? Como? É como se faltasse uma cena, entendeu? Lembrei-me agora do seriado 24 horas. Jack Bauer já se meteu em encrencas bem parecidas, porém sempre deu um jeito de se livrar, apesar de muitas vezes pagar um alto preço por isso. E era exatamente isso que me atraía no seriado. Seria frustrante assistir o seriado 24 horas e não saber como o cara tinha se livrado das enrrascadas... Espero que eu tenha sido claro! Estou esperando a sua resposta!
Até mais!

But you don't you think the explanation would print much more action and conviction? Imagine a movie where in a scene appears a drugged / sedated guy full of nausea with wrists tied and his "Jack Ketch"
preparing a new "experience" right by his side and in another scene the guy is already free and calling his fellows ? What happened? What happened to the "Elevator Killer"? Where was he at the time Jackson was freed from the shackles? How did he get rid of? He used his legs? How? It's like we had a missing scene, you know? I remembered now the show 24 hours. Jack Bauer has already got into a quite similar trouble , but he always managed a way to get rid of, though often pay a high price for it. And that was exactly what attracted me in the show. It would be frustrating to watch the show 24 hours and not know how the guy had gotten rid of a jam... I hope I was clear! I'm waiting for your answer!
Goodbye!