Que tal praticarmos um pouco de "writing"?

...in that dark house, covered by dust. Outside the window, a silent and hot jungle. Was he in another country?

Olá Aluisiomaia,

Ai vai:

All of a sudden he realized that he was dreaming and that reality was going to be over,then he headed for the forest trying to reflect on what he should´ve done and what he could´ve avoided...


I hope it´s good enough...

... a Brazilian panther sauntering close by. That, he thought, he should avoid.

It seems to be just a bad dream... a scary nightmare... But in fact it's his memories...He is a real killer... And he is haunted 24-7 by his memories... Memories of bloody crimes... And his memories will never leave him alone. This is his fate.

Anne.

(just weird)

Yet he now had to flee through unknown territory. "It all," he digressed, "comes with the territory. You kill a bit before the bit kills you--I knew, I knew I'd have to get around to the rain forest business... if only the fuzz quit chasing me, then I'd pull another bank job. A big one... but where could one possibly pull a big bank job, in São Paulo city?"

He is still lost in his deranged world...

Anne...

... or so he thought as he struggled through the dense jungle, his oversized trousers tripping him up as they fell around his ankles. Now he knew he'd have to get around the subject of giant swarms of five-inch-beaked mosquitos which incessantly raided him like vindictive airplane fighters on a dogfight. He struggled on, nevertheless, only to...

Hi there,

...realise that his life was hanging by a thread,he had no choice but to cut his own arm so that some of his blood could put those scary creatures off the scent.He managed to run away from that place while those carnivores stuffed themselves...

OMG! This story is so weird yet scary!
He's really insane anyways...

"He was so fascinated with his own blood... That red colour... He was completely obsessed with that scarlet fluid..."

Anne...

... at that moment, he started to run extremely fast, even more than "Run Forrest, Run", and a lot of his blood was spreading all over that place with those familiar objects. What was he doing there again? Was he back to the crime scene? But, wait a moment... where´s the dead body of that young beautiful lady?

He's completely confused. He does not know where the body is... he does not know his own name... What the hells is happening? He thinks to himself. One more time it seems to be a nightmare... Yet he wonders if he's in fact hallucinating. Maybe he's just a schizophrenic lunatic in a straitjacket in an asylum...

I guess this story is far from over...

...Anne...

Anne, you failed to take up where donay left off. Here then goes a continuation.

donay mendonça escreveu:...realise that his life was hanging by a thread,he had no choice but to cut his own arm so that some of his blood could put those scary creatures off the scent.He managed to run away from that place while those carnivores stuffed themselves...

... full with what meaty morcels they could get their teeth on. But fast he ran, leaving the feeding beasts behind. "Phoooo," he exclaimed, "thank God these beasts missed me!"

Up overhead hovered a helicopter. Unsteadily at first, then firmly, its blades revolving madly to keep it from falling down. "Do I see rescue at last?" he hoped. He thought of home, of the kids and...

... after a deep breathe, in a little while, he was still thinking and also staring when the heaven became really dark and a tremendous noise could be heard. At that moment, an enormous whole could be seen on that dark heaven and something like a rock started to fall down, hit his head and afterward ...

Marcio,
Apenas escrevi o que eu achei que iria acontecer, que tudo nao iria passar de uma alucinacao, devido a uma mente psicotica que pode gerar muitas situacoes dentro do cerebro humano... principalmente quando se tem algum problema mental, como schizophrenia. Com todo respeito, NAO ACHO QUE PERDI O CONTEXTO.

Anne.

Anne Dietrich escreveu:[...] principalmente quando se tem algum problema mental, como schizophrenia. Com todo respeito, NAO ACHO QUE PERDI O CONTEXTO.

No, you didn't. But what the hell, does the character in the story suffer from schizophrenia and would he likely find a psychiatrist he could go to in the middle of the dangerous rain forest? What about the rain, where could he possibly get an umbrella, for crying out loud?

IMWTK.

IMWTK? Isso serviu para ser sarcastico? Espero que nao. Nao estou querendo discutir, longe de mim! Soh dei a minha versao do que achei que iria acontecer. Nao iria escrever nada estupido ou dadaista por aqui. E eu me pergunto o que tem de errado no que fiz!? Acho que alguem por ai precisa estudar mais o que a Schizophrenia pode fazer com a razao humana.
I'm done. Mais um post desnecessario.

Anne.

Okay, Anne. Let's get back to the story at hand. Let's think English, talk English, write English, whatever and try to wrap up the story the best we can.

that's ok...

p.s. isso eh o que acontece quando 'a medical geek' participa.
LMAO.

Anne.

Hi Folks,

...he woke up early in the morning and realised that everything he had been going through was just a nightmare, things went back to normal as time passed and he suddenly felt that drinking too much could be dangerous sometimes,Red Bull gives you wings but they can take you too high...

... and then he decided to watch TV. What a surprise! A police program was showing a crime scene and a dead body of a beautiful lady was being shown in that chanel. He started to be afraid, his hands were sweating and suddenly he decided to run away without a destiny and some blood was coming out of one of his arms again, when ...

... out of the sky came this big boulder of a rock, the biggest, nightmarishly fiery rock a human being had ever dreamed of setting eyes on. His eyes followed it. By the size and bulk of it he instantly realized it might devastate an area greater than municipal Altamira, Pará. This he mentally calculated about as quickly as the Tom Cruise's Rain Man character counted match sticks no matter how many landed on the floor. "Omigod," he shouted, "where can a poor soul find shelter from this big, falling fiery rock?" And then it hit...

donay mendonça escreveu:Hi Folks,

...he woke up early in the morning and realised that everything he had been going through was just a nightmare, things went back to normal as time passed and he suddenly felt that drinking too much could be dangerous sometimes,Red Bull gives you wings but they can take you too high...

Muito bem Donay, otimo final. A historinha jah tava ficando sem controle... lmao...

In this excerpt from the story we can infer many things like:
He and a killer who's in search of someone (that is right)
I think the point and (why)
How we can rewrite the story, I'll make my final story as:
He was looking for his cousin who took his girlfriend.
What did you think?

Good. That'll set the pillars for yet a new, bigger story. Start another story, anyone?

Olá a todos! Pessoal, como eu iniciei essa história, gostaria de continuá-la para o seu desfecho, porém gostaria que fosse algo menos fantástico. Num clima mais "noir", o que acham? Obrigado pelas participações!
PS: quando participarem citem o último trecho!

Marcio_Farias escreveu:... out of the sky came this big boulder of a rock, the biggest, nightmarishly fiery rock a human being had ever dreamed of setting eyes on. His eyes followed it. By the size and bulk of it he instantly realized it might devastate an area greater than municipal Altamira, Pará. This he mentally calculated about as quickly as the Tom Cruise's Rain Man character counted match sticks no matter how many landed on the floor. "Omigod," he shouted, "where can a poor soul find shelter from this big, falling fiery rock?" And then it hit...

...on the ground. The impact turned him in pieces with a strong blast. Dark. Everything was dark, but his conscience still remained. In a huge limb,a insane laugh,a strident and disquieting laugh as the devil himself echoed in his head. And in an huge effort , he tried to guess where he really was. His only hope remained on that weak flame of lucidity.
So, he opened his eyes.He was in a completely dark room, except for a strong light pointed in his direction. When he tried to move his arms to protect himself from that annoying bright, he realized that his arms were bound. Lying on a stretcher, he heard beside a familiar voice: "Have you had fun enough, Agent Jackson? How about moving to the next phase of the experiment?" While he tried to vomit, Jackson realized that everything really been nothing but a hallucination caused by a unhealthy serial killer he was investigating. Yes, now he remembered. He had come too close to The Elevator killer.

He left the dark room and called two people. The first one, Mr. Douglas Quaid from "Total Recall" and the second one, Mr. Jason Bourne from "The Bourne Identity". Now, he was ready to start. After the calls, he ...

felipeh6 escreveu:He left the dark room and called two people. The first one, Mr. Douglas Quaid from "Total Recall" and the second one, Mr. Jason Bourne from "The Bourne Identity". Now, he was ready to start. After the calls, he ...

E aí Felipe! Só uma pergunta: como ele conseguiu sair da sala se estava amarrado? Poderia re-escrever explicando isso? Tem que ser convicente!!

De qualquer forma valeu pela participação!

aluisiomaia escreveu:

felipeh6 escreveu:He left the dark room and called two people. The first one, Mr. Douglas Quaid from "Total Recall" and the second one, Mr. Jason Bourne from "The Bourne Identity". Now, he was ready to start. After the calls, he ...

E aí Felipe! Só uma pergunta: como ele conseguiu sair da sala se estava amarrado? Poderia re-escrever explicando isso? Tem que ser convicente!!

De qualquer forma valeu pela participação!

you wrote " he realized that his arms were bound " and not his legs. And maybe someone helped him... sometimes you do not need to write everything, because somethings are hidden between the words ...

felipeh6 escreveu:

aluisiomaia escreveu:

felipeh6 escreveu:He left the dark room and called two people. The first one, Mr. Douglas Quaid from "Total Recall" and the second one, Mr. Jason Bourne from "The Bourne Identity". Now, he was ready to start. After the calls, he ...

E aí Felipe! Só uma pergunta: como ele conseguiu sair da sala se estava amarrado? Poderia re-escrever explicando isso? Tem que ser convicente!!

De qualquer forma valeu pela participação!

you wrote " he realized that his arms were bound " and not his legs. And maybe someone helped him... sometimes you do not need to write everything, because somethings are hidden between the words ...

Mas você não acha que a explicação imprimiria muito mais ação e convencimento? Imagine um filme em que numa cena aparece um cara drogado/sedado e cheio de náuseas amarrado pelos pulsos e com o seu algoz preparando uma nova "experiência" bem do seu lado e na outra cena o cara já está livre e ligando para os seus companheiros? O que aconteceu? O que aconteceu com o "Elevator Killer"? Onde ele estava no momento em que Jackson se livrou das amarrras? Como ele se livrou? Usou as pernas? Como? É como se faltasse uma cena, entendeu? Lembrei-me agora do seriado 24 horas. Jack Bauer já se meteu em encrencas bem parecidas, porém sempre deu um jeito de se livrar, apesar de muitas vezes pagar um alto preço por isso. E era exatamente isso que me atraía no seriado. Seria frustrante assistir o seriado 24 horas e não saber como o cara tinha se livrado das enrrascadas... Espero que eu tenha sido claro! Estou esperando a sua resposta!
Até mais!

But you don't you think the explanation would print much more action and conviction? Imagine a movie where in a scene appears a drugged / sedated guy full of nausea with wrists tied and his "Jack Ketch"
preparing a new "experience" right by his side and in another scene the guy is already free and calling his fellows ? What happened? What happened to the "Elevator Killer"? Where was he at the time Jackson was freed from the shackles? How did he get rid of? He used his legs? How? It's like we had a missing scene, you know? I remembered now the show 24 hours. Jack Bauer has already got into a quite similar trouble , but he always managed a way to get rid of, though often pay a high price for it. And that was exactly what attracted me in the show. It would be frustrating to watch the show 24 hours and not know how the guy had gotten rid of a jam... I hope I was clear! I'm waiting for your answer!
Goodbye!