Pesquisando por pequenos trechos da tradução que vc fez, encontrei este:
A teacher from Primary School asks her students to write a essay about what they would like God to do for them... At the end of the day, while marking the essays,she read one that made her very emotional.
Her husband, who had just walked in, saw her crying and asked her:- 'What happened?'
She answered- 'Read this. It is one of my students' essay.'
'Oh God, tonight I ask you something very special :
Make me into a television. I want to take its place and live like the TV in my house.
Have my own special place, And have my family around ME.
To be taken seriously when I talk....
I want to be the centre of attention and be heard without interruptions or questions.
I want to receive the same special care that theTV receives even when it is not working.
Have the company of my dad when he arrives home from work, even when he is tired.
And I want my mom to want me when she is sad and upset, instead of ignoring me...
And... I want my brothers to fight to be with me...
I want to feel that family just leaves everything aside, every now and then, just to spend some time with me.
And last but not least, ensure that I can make them all happy and entertain them...
Lord I don't ask you for much... I just want to live like a TV.'
At that moment the husband said :- 'My God, poor kid. What horrible parents!'
The wife looked up at him and said:- 'That essay is our son's !!!
Não comparei as duas traduções, mas eu diria que vc fez um excelente trabalho.