Tradução da poesia ''O Que Se Foi'' para o inglês

Please let me know the translation of this poetry.


O que se foi se foi.
Se algo ainda perdura
é só a amarga marca
Na paisagem escura.

Se o que foi regressa,
Traz um erro fatal:
Falta-lhe simplesmente
Ser real.

Portanto, o que se foi,
Se volta, é feito morte.

Então por que me faz
O coração bater tão forte?

Ferreira Gullar
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I think that poetry is simpler than you're making it be. Yours is a great translation, but it's a little too intricated, in my opinion. Ferreira Gullar tends to not be that formal.

I think it'd be something more like

What is Gone

What is gone, is gone
If something still remains
It is the bitter stain
In the dark frame.

If what is gone returns,
It brings back a deadly mistake:
The simple lack of reality.

Therefore, what is gone,
If ever comes back, is in death

So why does it makes
My heart beat faster?

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A loose tentative translation of mine:

What was was.
If there´s something that remains
It´s the bitter marks
Etched in the dark surroundings.

If what was could be back
It would bring with it a fatal error
As it would lack the quality of being real.
(or simply "as it would not be based on reality")

Now, therefore, the past is in the past.
If it comes back, it´s not life, it certainly means death.

So, why then my heart is beating faster?/is skipping a beat?
If something (from the past) comes back, it has to be death/it has to do with death.

Coming from a learner, so it may or may not be good, so it´s only for informational use. Let´s wait for further comments, insights and improvements.

It is a confusing translation. But thanks for your trying.

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It´s that poetry is subjective in kind, just like music sometimes. Other possible factor is that the poem at hand has rhymes and in the version in English it hasn´t.
The same thing would happen when translating from English to Portuguese.

In metaphorical ways, it´s like the author personifies the surrounding, so the bitterness is inprinted into its experiential memory.
The with "if what was could be back" we can thing of the "ghosts of the past", something or someone that could haunt you back.
Then the imagery of he/she/it being back, it is something surreal and an impossibility, but then if it´s possible then you are either crazy or dead, something like that.
It´s the closest I got to translate the poetry into prose.

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Great, Clara, I must admit!
I like it the way you translated, it has a more emotional appeal to it. Hats off to you!

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I'm loving it!

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