Correção de texto: Story Practice
- hammerart
- Membro desde: 26 Mai 2016, 15:00
- Perfil · 4 Mensagens
I wrote this draft as an exercise from a book. It's from a story I have in mind for some time.
She is a young and clever witch girl. She started to study and practice magic as soon as she could speak. Her skills are not sharp; however, she can see the possibilities that it can bring to herself and to others lives. Past projects carrying dreams fill her garden. Trinkets and sketchbooks designing spells are everywhere.
The need of a “natural talent” is a heavy lie that haunts her mind every time something fails. Her dreams seems to be far away. “What is the point of all this?” she asks from time to time. Even so, a day or two of rest is everything it needs to make she starts again.
The pile of failures keep raising day after day. She is like those people. Those who received many laughs in the past. Those who tried something bigger than what was possible. They had no resources nor investors. Just fools seeking their dreams. In other words, those who managed to change the world.
She is a young and clever witch girl. She started to study and practice magic as soon as she could speak. Her skills are not sharp; however, she can see the possibilities that it can bring to herself and to others lives. Past projects carrying dreams fill her garden. Trinkets and sketchbooks designing spells are everywhere.
The need of a “natural talent” is a heavy lie that haunts her mind every time something fails. Her dreams seems to be far away. “What is the point of all this?” she asks from time to time. Even so, a day or two of rest is everything it needs to make she starts again.
The pile of failures keep raising day after day. She is like those people. Those who received many laughs in the past. Those who tried something bigger than what was possible. They had no resources nor investors. Just fools seeking their dreams. In other words, those who managed to change the world.
POWER QUESTIONS
1 resposta
- PPAULO
- Localização: Rio de Janeiro-Brazil
- Membro desde: 21 Fev 2013, 23:49
- Perfil · 76.1k Pontos · 15k Mensagens
She is a young and clever witch girl who started studying and practicing magic as soon as she could speak. Her skills are not that sharp. Even so, she can see the opportunities that it can bring to herself and to the lives of others.
Past projects carrying dreams fill her garden.Trinkets and sketchbooks designing spells are everywhere.
The need of a “natural talent” is a heavy lie that haunts her mind every time something fails.(1) Her dreams seems to be far away. “What is the point of all this?” she asks from time to time. Even so, a day or two of rest is everything it takes to make her start (2) all over again.
The pile of failures keeps(3) rising day after day, she is like those people that received many laughs in the past. Those who tried something bigger than it´s possible(4). They have had no resources nor investors and they were just fools seeking their dreams.
In other words, those who managed to change the world. (5)
(1) He she may have a problem, could she be denial?, just saying…!
(2) To make she “starts”...starts doesn´t go well with “make she” in the sentence. “To make her” is the thing here.
(3) The pile of failures keeps, you are talking about “the pile” só it´s “keeps” (verb agreement).
(4)You are talking right now! Her thinking should have that emphasis in “something bigger than it´s possible”, since she is experiencing failure at what she has at hand. Anyway, I wouldn´t say your way is not wrong per se, it´s my style and reasoning here.
Let´s wait for the experts to have their say on that one.
(5)Okay, you have a point. Here the story took a turn to better, and in a unexpected way, so I take back what I have stated. Maybe she isn´t in denial...
You could express yourself in English, I made just minor corrections, practice makes perfect, so keep training and you will get there!
********* I am not a teacher, just a learner, so it can be improved. Consider this as a kick-off of sorts***
Past projects carrying dreams fill her garden.Trinkets and sketchbooks designing spells are everywhere.
The need of a “natural talent” is a heavy lie that haunts her mind every time something fails.(1) Her dreams seems to be far away. “What is the point of all this?” she asks from time to time. Even so, a day or two of rest is everything it takes to make her start (2) all over again.
The pile of failures keeps(3) rising day after day, she is like those people that received many laughs in the past. Those who tried something bigger than it´s possible(4). They have had no resources nor investors and they were just fools seeking their dreams.
In other words, those who managed to change the world. (5)
(1) He she may have a problem, could she be denial?, just saying…!
(2) To make she “starts”...starts doesn´t go well with “make she” in the sentence. “To make her” is the thing here.
(3) The pile of failures keeps, you are talking about “the pile” só it´s “keeps” (verb agreement).
(4)You are talking right now! Her thinking should have that emphasis in “something bigger than it´s possible”, since she is experiencing failure at what she has at hand. Anyway, I wouldn´t say your way is not wrong per se, it´s my style and reasoning here.
Let´s wait for the experts to have their say on that one.
(5)Okay, you have a point. Here the story took a turn to better, and in a unexpected way, so I take back what I have stated. Maybe she isn´t in denial...
You could express yourself in English, I made just minor corrections, practice makes perfect, so keep training and you will get there!
********* I am not a teacher, just a learner, so it can be improved. Consider this as a kick-off of sorts***