Correção de carta em inglês: My name is...

Hello, this is my first topic so sorry about my wrongs here... I will do a selection of doctor degree and for this I need be prepared for any type of letter, for this reason I will post lot of letters.
So who can help me I will be very grateful.



Dear Dr. Olaf,
My name is Paula Suleiman and I concluded the undergraduated in Biological Sciences from Universidade Federal de Viçosa -UFV in 2011. In 2013, I obtained the Master’s degree in Ecology and Natural Resources at the same institution.
Since 2011, I have been working with feeding habits of Trichiurus lepturus in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Now, I intent to developed studies with isotopic compositions of this specie and its feeding items, associated with local ecological knowledge of fishermen. My interest is based on the lack of information about this issue in the state.
I have been following your work and I know that you are a specialist in isotopic analysis. For this reason, I would like to know the possibility to arrange a visit to discuss a collaboration in my isotopic analysis.

I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Paula Suleiman.

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Some suggestions to improve your text:

Dear Dr. Olaf,

My name is Paula Suleiman and I graduated in Biological Sciences at the Universidade Federal de Viçosa - UFV, Brazil, in 2011. During 2013, I obtained the Master’s degree in Ecology and Natural Resources at the same institution.
I have been working on the feeding habits of Trichiurus lepturus in Rio de Janeiro since 2011. Now, I intend to develop studies about isotopic compositions of this species and its feeding items, associated with local ecological knowledge of the fishermen involved. My interest is based on the lack of information about this issue in Rio de Janeiro State.
I have been following your work and I know that you are a specialist in isotopic analysis. For this reason, I would like to try to arrange a visit in order to discuss your possible collaboration on my isotopic analysis.

I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Paula Suleiman.
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