Correção de "poema em inglês''

Hi there

When I write something new in English I few very insecure obviously because it's not my mother language, I also have problems with grammar and spelling, so I hope you guys can proofread this new poem for me. Not only proofreading, I would appreciate some coments about better and fancier words or structures.

Thanks a lot

Raquel

There is a man
which I watch every morning
In a naked shape, under the moon

From here where I am I can see his castle
His golden windows and precious towers
Nevertheless what stand out are his uncertain steps
His weak figure, his damaged silhouette

The same way I watch him
He watches the city waking up before him
The day unfolding its mysteries

He can’t see me though...
I’m just a dot secretly wondering
Lost in the confusion of lights
I lose myself in the colour of some broken dreams
Scattered in the air filled with illnesses
And delusions

I wonder what his thoughts are
When he sees the world unravelling for him...
What his thoughts are made of?
What is that smell coming from the soil
Right before the sun rises
Making the dreams come true in falsehood?

I’d like to warn the man in the castle
I’d like to look at his eyes
And tell him how dishonest the morning is

I went astray
And I can’t reach him
No one can be saved
but those cunning stars
Above our obedient heads...

Raquel
Kingston
14/11/2011
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Avatar do usuário Donay Mendonça 49115 21 73 1138
Sugestões de correção para um trecho:

There is a man
That I watch every morning
In a naked shape, under the moon

From here where I am I can see his castle
His golden windows and precious towers
Nevertheless what stands out are his uncertain steps
His weak figure, his damaged silhouette

The same way I watch him
He watches the city waking up before him
The day unfolding its mysteries
wow eu tinha colocado "that" e troquei por "which pois achei que tava errado!!!

Brigadao :-)
Donay,

de acordo com o Word eu nao posso colocar stands porque eu coloquei no plural, na frase seguinte "Nevertheless what stands out are his uncertain steps", should I replace the plural for singular form??
Avatar do usuário Donay Mendonça 49115 21 73 1138
Sophia,

''Nevertheless what stands out are his uncertain steps'' está correto.

Veja um exemplo semelhante feito por americanos:

With swimsuits, what counts are styles that flatter - Indianapolis Star.
Puxa, outra coisa de gramatica que eu nao sabia, thanks