Correção de texto para a inscrição do MEXT

Numa das folhas da inscrição é pedido que eu explique quais são os motivos de eu querer estudar o curso que escolhi (no Japão).
É na área de ciências humanas e sociais. Artes liberais é minha primeira escolha de três cursos na mesma área que preciso escrever na inscrição.
Dêem uma olhada, por favor!

Eu coloquei palavras que fiquei em dúvida sobre qual seria melhor usada separadas por barras.

"With the advance of technology, it’s clear the necessity we have to understand what kind of changes the society will experience/undergo from now on.

To predict what type of attitude we should take to maintain a healthy and open society for the upcoming new technologies, we must learn to interconnect knowledge. It’s now obvious that the natural, social and human sciences must work together to continue advancing with ethics/ethically.

When applying for human and social sciences major in Japan, I’ll learn based on the oriental culture, which preserves virtues like honor, the word, cooperative work, discipline and hard work. Things that are very/extremely important for the continuous evolution of humankind. I’m certain that the Japanese culture has a lot to teach to us all."
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Avatar do usuário PPAULO 46115 6 35 814
A kick-off here:
With the advance of technology, it’s clear the need we have to understand what kind of changes the society will undergo from now on.

...to continue advancing ethically.

Things that are essential/crucial for the continuous evolution of humankind.

Very important = crucial/essential, but I prefer one word instead of two, and "very important/extremely important" would be way more common, to the point of almost being a cliché.

Continuous evolution - it sprung to my mind that evolution is a continuous process, but then it´s up to you here. You can use "continuous" if you wish (for emphasis perhaps).

I have a gut feeling that there are some punctuation issues, but I will leave this to other participants to deal with.
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 46115 6 35 814
When applying for human and social sciences major in Japan, I’ll learn based on the oriental culture, which preserves virtues like honor, the word, cooperative work, discipline and hard work. Things that are very/extremely important for the continuous evolution of humankind. I’m certain that the Japanese culture has a lot to teach to us all."


Redone:
Studying social for a sciences major in Japan, I’ll also absorb much about the Asian culture which values virtues like honor, keeping one´s word, teamwork, discipline and hard work.

I think the writing is already a sign that you "apply", so I edited here.
Plus, on second thought I would leave out "hard work" first of all - it´s a cliché of sorts, and one could ask "what about other cultures? Don´t they value hard work? Just saying...

The "...I´ll absorb" part can be still redone into "...I expect to/I hope to absorb", etc...

Things that are very/extremely important for the continuous evolution of humankind. I’m certain that the Japanese culture has a lot to teach to us all."


Again, I would strike out the above italicized part and write something else, it´s unquestionable - nobody can deny it, but I don´t know how original it would ring. Anyway, it´s up to the writer. This is just a comment of mine.

All in all I must congrat you for you writing, you are on the right path. Your spelling of words is good and the expressed ideas are well understood by the reader, it lacked just some touches. You might also work a little bit more on punctuation, just a little bit.

Good luck with your English study. I hope I have been of help.
See ya around !
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 46115 6 35 814
Ooops! I screwed up the word order...
Along with the correction, some rewording as well.

While studying a Social Sciences degree course in Japan,...