Correção para Janaina Vieira Cast: Presentation

Olá, meu nome é Janaina Castro e trabalho para o Governo Federal como contadora desde 2018. Resido no Rio de Janeiro. Eu gerencio a equipe financeira de um dos vários departamentos da Universidade. Depois que comecei a trabalhar lá diminuímos as despesas em 35%, somos uma autarquia e por isso não visamos lucro, mas conseguimos reduzir o resultado negativo em R $ 28.000.000,00 por mês. Venho desenvolvendo parcerias com empresários locais para melhorar as condições das instalações presenciais e, em contrapartida, como a Universidade promove cursos profissionalizantes gratuitos para a sociedade.
Na minha opinião, lidar com a população local me levou a ser mais consciente dos problemas da nossa cidade e me fez sentir mais sensível para melhorar o que podemos.

Hello, my name is Janaina Castro and I’ve been working for the Federal Government as an Accountant since 2018. I’m based in Rio de Janeiro. I manage the financial team of one of the various departments of the University. Once I’ve started working there we decrease expenses by 35%, we are an autarchy and therefore we do not aim for profits, but we managed to reduce the negative result by R$28.000.000,00 per month. I have been developing partnerships with local businessmen to improve the conditions of classroom facilities and, in return, how the University promotes free professional courses for society.
To my mind, dealing with local people led me to be more conscientious about the problems of our city and make me feel more sensible in order to get better the things that we can.

Teste de Nível Faça um teste de inglês e descubra seu nível em 10 minutos! Este teste foi desenvolvido por professores experientes. O resultado sai na hora e com gabarito.

Iniciar o Teste Online!
2 respostas
  Resposta mais votada
22 99 1.5k
Oi, Janaina. Seguem algumas correções.
Hello, my name is Janaina Castro and I’ve been working for the Federal Government as an Accountant since 2018. I live in Rio de Janeiro. I am in charge of the financial staff of one of the various departments of the University. Since I started working there we have decreased expenses by 35%, we are an autarchy and therefore we do not aim for profits, but we managed to reduce the negative result by R$28.000.000,00 per month. I have been developing partnerships with local businesspeople to improve the conditions of classroom facilities and, in return, how the University promotes free professional courses for society.
To my mind, my experience with the local people has led me to be more conscientious about the problems of our city and made me more sensitive so as to come up with solutions.
Bons estudos.
Anúncio Cambly Gostou da dica? Agora é hora de praticar!

Utilizar o inglês em interações reais levará você à fluência mais rápido. Pensando nisso, o nosso parceiro está oferecendo 15 minutos de aula grátis, não perca essa oportunidade. O link abaixo ativa o cupom!

Cupom: 15 minutos de aula Grátis!
6 46 1.1k
Hi there, Janaina.
Congrats on your text. All in all it let we see that you have a good grasp of the English fundamentals of the language. You just have to train more and soon will be giving lessons to us (at least to me, a basic learner).
It shows that you need to hone up the present perfect tense - had + verb ending in "ed" (or the irregular ones like "been"). But nothing out of ordinary, I myself get puzzled by it.
I think if your presentation would be done 'off the cuff" (without preparation - 'de improviso'), the word "businessmen" would be understood. It's that these days the politically correct "businesspeople" is recommended.

I would tinker following sentence Donay has suggested (no much, though):
"To my mind, (the) experience with the local people has led me to be more conscientious about the problems of our city"

Because the part "...has led me" would denote that the experience was mine, without (the) would be more still more suggestive. Since "the experience" some reader could think of some collective experience, perhaps slim chances but, who knows?

The bit "resultado negativo" I would change into "deficit" in generic terms or "expenses and losses" when elaborating further about the budget, "zooming in" kind of. To non-profit it's about surplus x deficit rather than profit x loss.
Depending of the non-profit losses would be unrealized gains or losses on investments, programs, etc, not the "loss" as a "for-profit" organization would mean.

You could also say that decreased the "negative balance by X Reais" by way of corrective actions/implementing corrective actions. Here I think in yearly terms (a given fiscal year - 12 months x monthly spending). Could be in term of 'quarter' (trimestre).

These are some 'ramblings' of mine, I am not CPA or anything, so my answer might not be accurate enough, but others may fix it for us.
I appreciate your courage of submitting your text. Way to go! That's a great way to learn more and more.
My comments are just complementary and preliminary, not a comparative thing. Just to add more to your critical thinking and writing skills. ;-)
Ainda precisa de ajuda? Configura algumas opções:
  1. Clique no botão "Responder" (abaixo) e faça sua pergunta sobre este assunto;
  2. Faça uma nova pergunta;
  3. Converse grátis com um professor nativo por 15 minutos: Saiba como!