I have been studying Information Systems at the Institute of Science and Technology education - Instituto Federal Fluminesen (IFF), one of the best Brazilian institutions, since 2012. This Institute offers great Research opportunities and It focuses in technology, therefore, the course and research projects have provided me some important concepts and a solid educational background/experience that I need in my career.
However,I know that this Institute has its limits and that studying in other university can give me great opportunities. I firmly believe that studying in an American university will provide me more knowledge, more specific interdisciplinary courses and opportunities that are not found in Brazil.
[great – I would use "excellent opportunities", but perhaps "great" will do.]
Since High School, I have always been working in research projects. First, I attended a project of the Brazilian Government and the Petrobras Company called Petrobras University, from 2010 to 2012. In wich, I studied the renewable energy. At that time I was already studying at IF Fluminense.
[contradiction in terms, not outright, but it may be confusing to the reader. You mix high school with more recent projects, this could be in the first paragraph.]
Lately, at (the)college, I am working in a new project. A program of integration of text-mining software to the Moodle Platform, since 2012. In wich, I use text-mining to identify the level of social activity/interaction in the forums and chats on the Moodle Platform (platform used by IF Fluminense).
[I don´t know if Moodle it´s a proprietary software of IFF, or if it only uses it, having installed in its machines. Anyway sayint that IFF uses it, makes no distinction.]
In this research I developed the GeraFiles, a software whose main function create and manage the data to be retrieved by the analyzer software in the process of text-mining, so the end-user will have only the relevant information. I got fascinated with the study of programming languages in the process.
Besides, ( ) I also am working with Web development to my final paper, where I will develop a software that analyzes the social interaction (or analyzes the activity...) of the students, only that in different way, not the way I had studied at IFF.
This new software will have a Web-friendly architecture and will be integrated to the Moodle, facilitating the analyses. Hence/thus, it will improve the analyses and will be available for the professors, online on the Moodle Platform.
From the above/above said reasons, I would like to study Web development subjects, such as Database Management Systems and text mining. But there are others things that interest me a lot, like Artificial Intelligence Techniques and Mobile (Mobille applicative programs?).
In conclusion, I woul like to apply all or some of this knowledge garnered and its uses in educational approaches, like the study of social interactions. I am really motivated to join this program because I strongly believe that it can improve my research and academic skills.
Furthermore, it will give me the opportunity of bringing new knowledge to Brazil along with better preparing me for the labor market, consequently, helping in the development of my country in the future.
In your original writing you used the word “research” a lot, 12 times to be exact. Try to use synonyms or related ideas not to be repetitive.
You also used the word “project(s)” 10 times, which may denote that you need build up your English vocab some more. Doing so, you are going to say what you mean in a more varied way.
Well, I used a dictionary and the
In the chunck “one of the best Brazilian institutions, since 2012.” it may give the impression that the institution is “one of the best” from 2012 until now. It turned the 1st paragraph ambiguous, one doesn´t decide if you “have been studying there since the year 2012, or if it is the best since 2012.”