Como dizer "Cada coisa que (me) aparece/você tem cada coisa..." em inglês

Como eu digo essas 2 expressões em inglês?

1° "(Tem) cada coisa que (me) aparece":
(um cara doido, gritando no meio da rua passa na minha direção)
"Olha pra onde anda!" (pensamento: tem cada coisa que aparece)

2° "Você tem cada coisa":
A: Como assim minha mãe está no hospital? Ela morreu?
B: Para de falar asneira, ela não morreu! Você tem cada coisa..

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First of all, it's not really possible to translate the sentence "tem cada coisa que aparece" into English using the exact same words, it's one of those unique expressions that may or may not even exist in any language other than the one in which it is most commonly used or was originated from,so in order to come up with something that implies a similar idea as that sentence, one needs to switch their brain into "English mode". So by doing that this is what I've got:

I can't believe some people...
This has to be a joke...
Jesus Christ, this can't be real...

Of course, it's more than worth noting that in written forms one could be at risk of not getting the true idea intended to be conveyed by the speaker, so it all depends on the intonation and the previous context of the conversation that led to one saying those sentences.
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To #2-B "...você tem cada coisa..." (the end of the sentence) one could express by:
...don´t be silly! You say such (terrible) things without thinking.
...don´t be silly, how can you say such (a terrible) thing!
...don´t say that even as a joke!

Anyway, there are contexts and contexts.
Haha queria saber a primeira expressão
6 48 1.1k
To #1 : "just what I needed!
I can´t believe it!
No! This isn´t happening!
I can´t believe this is happening!

But, as always, these are not a fit-all context. And it goes with the mood, etc. Even in Portuguese one can see someone saying or doing something and you say "palhaço! " and be smiling/laughing or in an angry way, for instance.
The same with could be with "é cada uma que aparece!", but these sentences I came up with are more likely to be in an angry mood than not.