Correção de redação para o TOEFL

Pessoal , estou estudando para o TOEFL e estou encontrando muita dificuldade para redigir textos, pricipalmente quando se trata de conjugações verbais. Gostaria que alguém que pudesse desse um parecer sobre os erros comuns que cometo pois usar o google translate para corrigir erros de gramática não dá :oops:

O tema era : Se pudesse escolher, seria dono de sua própria empresa ou preferiria trabalhar para uma?

It’s hard to take a position, both cases have vantages and disadvantages. Although being a leader of a big company might be a dream for many people, on my view take a job in a company and work for it is a better choice.
Building a company may be tough. Building a company from nothing is hard, indeed many peoples fail. It is a complex proves involves lot of red tape, many taxes to pay, contracting people. The staff is hard to choice, the employer cannot choice lazy workers, they must to be trustable worker, and until the employer to find this kind of people he or she spend much time.
Being a leader of your own company is stressing. Always the man in charge have to take the hardest decisions, sometimes the decision change the direction of the company and make it fail. It is not difficult to find CEOs or peoples with high post, with stress problems; all their daily situations putted them in that condition. The owner of company always are in the highest post so he or she suffer these problems too.
It’s possible to make much money as the owner. When you is the best in doing your job, all companies will want you. Good workers bring many profits then they always have very good salaries. Many managers are millionaires and are as richer as their bosses are. When the worker are doing just one job, the same tasks, he can improving his ability with his job, and he becomes the kind of work commented previously, the one who everybody want.
So, before all those point I made above, we can draw a conclusion that worker as big companies owners, may be successful in their careers, but workers have a vantage, they have not to stand all company on their shoulders.

Aos que puderem ajudar, obrigado.

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Avatar do usuário Juliana Rios 18850 21 98 389
Olá Guilherme! Seu texto está muito bom. Vou apenas sugerir algumas alterações gramaticais ou estilísticas:

It’s hard to take a position, as both cases have advantages ("vantage" possui outro significado em inglês, sendo comumente empregado na expressão "vantage point" - "ponto de visão") and disadvantages. Although being the leader of a big company might be a dream for many people, in my view taking a job in a company and working for it is a better choice.
Building a company may be tough. Setting up (para evitar repetição de "building") a company from scratch ("nothing" também é possível) is hard; indeed many people fail. It is complex, involves a lot of red tape, many taxes to pay, hiring people, among others. Staff (members) are hard to choose ("choice" seria o substantivo), the employer cannot choose/hire lazy workers, they must be trustable, and it may be a long time before he or she finds the right person ("before they find the right person" também seria possível. Neste caso "they" é subentendido como referência ao último sujeito citado, independente de número ou gênero).
Being the leader of your own company is stressing. The man/person in charge always has to make the hardest decisions, and sometimes the decision can steer the company into bankruptcy (se o verbo "falir" refere-se a falência judicial/econômica, use "go bankrupt". Neste caso, "falência" seria "bankruptcy"). It is not difficult to find CEOs or people in a high position suffering from stress; (it is likely that) their daily routine has put them in that condition (sobretudo para exames como o TOEFL, evite generalizações. Para tanto, sugeri o uso de "é provável que". "Put" é um verbo irregular, assumindo a mesma forma em todos os tempos verbais. "Putted" é o passado do verbo "to putt", utilizado no golf). The owner of a company always holds the highest position so he or she must suffer from these problems too.
It’s possible to make a lot of money as the owner. When you are the best at doing your job, all companies will want you. Good workers bring many profits, which means they always have very good salaries. Many managers are millionaires and as rich as their bosses are. When the worker does the same job and the same tasks, he can improve his ability with his job (?), (thus/therefore) becoming the above-mentioned kind of worker - the one who everybody wants.
So, considering all the points I made above, we can draw the conclusion that working as the owner of a big company may be a successful career, but ordinary workers have an advantage: they don't have to carry the entire company on their shoulders.

Continue o ótimo trabalho.
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Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39175 6 32 684
To be or not to be one´s own boss? The pros and cons of self-employment.


If someone is given the chance to choose, which should he pick?
It’s hard to decide between them, both have vantages and disadvantages. Although being a leader of a big company must be a dream of many people, on my view, taking a job in a company and working for it is a better choice.

Starting (up) your own business might be tough. Building a company from scratch is a hard job/task, and indeed many people have a business failure in the process. It is a decision/step that proves rather complex and involves, among other things, lots of red tape, taxes to pay, contracting people.

It´s hard to find the right staff, one cannot risk choosing lazy or unreliable workers, and (that) it´s very time-consuming.

Managing your own company is/may be stressing. You will be always/ever the man in charge of making the hardest decisions, and sometimes one of these decision adopted may alter the course of the company, for the better or for the worse.

And it´s very common to find/to see CEOs or higher-rank executives, managers or white-collar
workers with stress-related problems; due to their demanding workload and having daily strains in the workplace, not to mention responsibility and an ever-changing adjusting. The owner of the company is, perhaps, the one that suffer most.

And it’s possible to make as much money as the Company owner, if you are the best in what you do/if you are very good in you line of work, so (all) companies will want you. Then they will want you for a price, a good wage. Many managers are as richer as their bosses are.

When a worker is doing just a type of job/is in a line of work for a while, he performs pretty much the same tasks all the time, making him improve his ability to do his job. This way, he becomes the sought after everywhere, by any company.

So, from the all points I just made (above – kind of redundant, but...), we can conclude that somebody working to one´s own, may be successful in his career, but being an employee instead, have its advantages. Namely, all responsibilities don´t fall on our shoulders.



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“It´s hard to take a position” – to me it´s very close to “take sides” , that is, one has to be offered a matter/an issue to take a position about. It´s me tough, bear in mind that I am a learner just like you, not a teacher or something. So, don´t take my word for it if you don´t see sense, let´s wait for more opinions on that. Others may disagree.



This one was just a kick-off, so it´s subject to editing/proofreading/fine tuning.

I really changed many chunks of your piece, there were parts of it that I do find necessary, for better comprehension. Other parts could remain, but I tinkered them for more clarity or was matter of style (mine).

Further comments are welcome, after all my English isn´t good and I am not necessarily the sharpest knife on the drawer. And that´s more, it´s common that we see in our text what we
think and not what actually wrote. It´s something to begin with, tough.

I kinda "exploded" the piece of text into parts, to better viewing.
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39175 6 32 684
Oops!

...there were parts of it that I do find necessary, for better comprehension.
...there were parts of it that I do think necessary, for better comprehension.


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Excuse me for my Cambridgeism.