Correção de texto "The Fourty-Eight-Hour Nightmare Day"

Avatar do usuário Gustavo Sena 185 4
Hello Everyone,
I have written recently a brief essay about a day of mine that turned into a nightmare and I'd like you to give your sincere remark and rate it from 0 to 10.

The fourty-eight-hour nightmare day

Days last 24 hours but there are some which seem to last longer. Once, I went through a day that was one of the worst of my life, everything went wrong.
6:00 A.M I woke up very quickly by the clock which has a very annoying nois. I thought it was time to go to school, so I got dressed. However, when I was about to unlock the front door my mother called me and said:
'Where Are you going so early?'
'
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Avatar do usuário Gustavo Sena 185 4
'I am going to school, as usual mom' replied I.
'So, you shall be aware that people don't work and neither they go to school on saturdays'. I realised that was not going to be a good day. Some hours went by and it was time to have lunch. I put my plate full of food into the micro-waves, when I pressed the button nothing happened. I had got to eat a cold food and we had a loss of R$ 200,00 for buying another one.
I decided to take a hike in the square, I got tired but everything was normal. I went to the bakery to buy an icecream and ate it excitedly while I walked. I throwed the stick in the square garbage, after that, I felt something soft in my hand. Someone had left a piece of chewing gum on its lid.
I was looking forward to the days' end and when I was lying on my bed I was guessing what else could occur to me that day. When I turned round there was nothing but a one-thousand-meter-long cockroach by my side. Suddenly I noticed the importance of having a ordinary day.

I'm sorry for writing two messages but I mispressed the button enter, my notebook's keyboard is horrible.
Thanks a lot.

Gustavo Sena
Avatar do usuário Telma Regina 22725 9 58 570
Sugestão para a primeira parte:
The fourty-eight-hour nightmare

Days last 24 hours but some seem to last longer. Once, I went through a day that was one of the worst of my life when everything went wrong.
6:00 A.M The noisy clock woke me up very quickly. I thought it was time to go to school, so I got dressed. However, when I was about to unlock the front door my mother called me and said:
'Where Are you going so early?'

Gustavo, my mark is 7. Try not to think in Portuguese, think in English and understand the context, that's the key.
Try to be more concise and captive for the reader. The content in your text is good but you must work on the structure to make it easier to read, for example, one subject sentences (shorter sentences).
Can you rewrite de second part being more concise?
Avatar do usuário Gustavo Sena 185 4
I'm sorry for such a horrible text, I read several books in English all day long and it feels so hard to write something that is really worth D:

The twenty-hour-nightmare

There are some days which seem to turn into a nightmare because everything we do goes wrong. When I was younger I went through one of these.
First, 6:00 A.M a noisy clock woke me up and I got dressed to go to school, when I was about to open the door my mother called me and said:
'Where are you going so early?', I remembered that it was saturday and I didn't need to study.
On time to have lunch, I tried to heat up the food but the micro-waves wasn't working.
In the afternoon we took a hike in the square and my mother bought me a delicous icecream but when I throwed its stick out someone had left a piece of chewing gum on the garbage can's lid and my hands got very sticky.
At night we were about to sleep and I was guessing what else could happen to me that day. When I turned round on bed there was a large cockroach beside be, I suddenly noticed the importance of having an ordinary day.

Is it better this time Telma?
Thanks a lot for your previous comment.
Gustavo Sena
Avatar do usuário Telma Regina 22725 9 58 570
Gustavo
Your text is not horrible. It is good, and bettter after the changes. Just keep working and it will improve with time. Try to stop using "when" in every sentence because it's implied in some of them.

The twenty-hour-nightmare

There are some days which seem to turn into a nightmare because everything we do goes wrong. When I was younger I went through one of these.
Firstly, at 6:00 A.M a noisy clock woke me up (or awoke me) and I got dressed to go to school. As I was about to open the door my mother called me and asked, 'Where are you going so early?'. I remembered that it was Saturday and I didn't need to study.
I tried to heat up the food at lunchtime, but the microwave wasn't working.
During the afternoon we took a walk in the square and my mother bought me a delicious icecream. After eating it, I threw the stick away, but someone had left a piece of chewing gum on the garbage can's lid and my hands got very sticky.
At night, we were about to sleep and I was guessing what else could happen to me that day. I turned around on the bed and realised there was a large cockroach beside me. I suddenly noticed the importance of having an ordinary day.

US - garbage, GB - rubbish or litter

Confira esse site (use os ícones para checar a pontuação e a seta no canto direito):
http://www.ngfl-cymru.org.uk/vtc/ngfl/e ... _use_said/

E esse:
http://www.englisch-hilfen.de/en/studen ... riting.htm