Correção de texto: First day at a new school

Avatar do usuário draylson 15
First day at a new school

The first thing was to find where is the room. So I ask to an employee that sincerely pointed to it. In the room there were a few boys talking each other. So, I check with them whether I was in the right place. As a shy boy, I didn't interacted so much with the boys. I just go to the back of the room and seat in a chair. So, new students started to get inside of the room and some of them tried to talk with me. First, a girl introduced herself to me and told me that she had already seen me in a other place. Actually, I had already seen her too. Next, a couple of boys tried to meet me. But, I was very shy to talk with them so much. During the classes both students and teachers was nice. Also, the classes was very fine. So, although my shyness, it was a good first day.

Mais Votada Mais Votada

Avatar do usuário Juliana Rios 18850 21 98 389
Irei complementar as sugestões do Gabriel para rever outros pontos que podem ser trabalhados. Termos dentre (parênteses) são opcionais, mas reforçam ou completam a ideia transmitida. Comentários estão em itálico e dentre [colchetes].

First day at a new school

The first thing I did was to try and find (out) where my (class)room was, so I asked ["to" desnecessário] an employee, who kindly [gramática e colocação] pointed the way. Inside the room were ["there" pode ser omitido quando iniciamos a frase com um adjunto adverbial] a few boys talking to each other. I checked with them whether I was in the right place. As a shy boy, I didn't interact with them much (though) [estilo]. I just went to the back of the room and sat on a chair ["in" é normalmente reservado a poltronas]. At that moment [estilo e variedade], other students started to come / walk into the room [to get in = resultado do ato de entrar / to come in = processo de entrar em si] and some of them tried to talk to me / strike up a conversation [expressão opcional para evitar repetição de "me"]. First, a girl introduced herself to me [desnecessário] and told me that she had already seen me somewhere else / elsewhere [fraseado opcional - "at another place", como já sugerido, não está errado]. Actually, I had already seen her too. Next, a couple of boys tried to talk to me / get to know me (better) [o verbo "know", sozinho, sempre indica um estado, mas não um processo], but [ler nota] I was too shy to talk to them. During the classes both the students and the teachers were nice. Also, the classes were great / very good [colocação]. So, despite my shyness [ler nota], it was a good first day.

Notas:

1) Sendo uma conjunção, "but" não é normalmente utilizado para iniciar frases. Para tanto, há opções como "however", "nevertheless", "nonetheless", "still" etc. Se optar por "but", use-o na mesma frase. Inserir uma vírgula após "but" também é incorreto.

I went to the new mall. But, I didn't like it.
I went to the new mall, but (I) didn't like it. - Correto
I went to the new mall. However, I didn't like it. - Correto


2) De forma simplificada:

Although = Embora (seguido por uma oração com verbo)
Despite / In spite of = Apesar de (seguido por um substantivo)

Although my shyness, the class went great.
Although I was feeling shy, the class went great (verbo torna although possível).
Despite my shyness, the class went great (não há verbo; logo, although é incorreto).

Keep it up!
MENSAGEM PATROCINADA Para aprender mais sobre os Tempos Verbais baixe agora o: Guia Grátis de Tempos Verbais em Inglês. Ele contém um resumo bem estruturado para revisar os conceitos que você aprendeu na escola.

Clique aqui e saiba como baixar!
Avatar do usuário gabrielock 895 1 15
First day at a new school

The first thing(I had to do) was to find where the room wa. So I asked to an employee that sincerely pointed to where it was. In the room there were a few boys talking to each other. So, I checked with them whether(you can use if, just to know) I was in the right place. As a shy boy, I didn't interact (when you use the negative past fomr of "do" the verb that comes after cannot be also in the past form so much with the boys. I just went to the back of the room and sat in a chair. So,)the) new students started to get in the room and some of them tried to talk with me. First, a girl introduced herself and told me that she had already seen me in another (another is used when you want exactly to reffer to " a other" but unfortunatly this one term does'nt exist or at least it's not correct) place. Actually, I had already seen her too. Next, a couple of boys tried to know me better/get information about me/become friends with me me. But, I was very shy to talk to them so much. During the classes both students and teachers were nice (to me). Also, the classes were very fine. So, although (you can usein spite of or despite. I just think that it would sound bettermy shyness, it was a good first day (of school).
Really like your texts, do you write them all?
Avatar do usuário gabrielock 895 1 15
Thanks Juliana!!
Avatar do usuário draylson 15
Really like your texts, do you write them all?


Thanks. Yes, I do. It is to train my english writting. I've created a list of writting topics to be completed during this year. I'm almost finishing it! :-)
Avatar do usuário draylson 15
Obrigado Juliana!

Infelizmente, meu limite de votação por dia expirou. :(
Mas voto amanhã em sua mensagem.

Esse texto rendeu bastante, tanto as asuas sugestões como as do Gabriel foram ótimas. Parece que preciso aprender a escrever de uma forma mais natural e tomar mais cuidado com a gramática. :-)
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39175 6 32 684
Not wishing to be a stickler for details, but just a couple of grammar points:

English - begins with capital E, always.
Writing - just a "t", since its root is Write. Since the word is ended with an ''e", you can´t double the "t"s.

You have the ideas, the motivation, it´s half of the job already. Work on grammar and you will get there! See you around.