Correção de texto: TOEFL Writing Independent Question

Olá pessoal. Se alguém pudesse me mostrar os erros e também algumas dicas para melhorar esse meu texto, ficaria muitíssimo grato.

Tema: Boys and girls should be educated in separate classrooms using different teaching techniques?

I strongly disagree with boys and girls being educated in separate classrooms using different teaching techniques. There is no difference between men or women intelligence, so why should the teachers use different techniques to teach? This kind of thoughts, in my view is very archaic.

First, women and men, should have similar education because we are in a democracy this means, everybody should have equal rights. The educational system cannot to separate the students by gender; this is a violation in the Human’s right – the law which also says that the country must support citizens equally.

Second, the contact between different genders is very important for the developing of the child. Boys and girls need to interaction because is the only way to understand each other and the school provides this interaction; in the classroom , they can talk in the lunch time, and in a variety of manners the school improve this contact between genders.

Last but not least, the gender segregation is a characteristic of the macho cultures which rejects women workers and in high positions, therefore adopting different ways to educate boys and girls is a kind of regress to this culture.
Although many families think that a school for women protect their daughter or a school for men is better to their son, this kind of school brings a lot of damages to the developed of comprehension about relationships.

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Should boys and girls be educated in separate classrooms using different teaching techniques?

I strongly disagree with boys and girls being educated in separate classrooms using different teaching techniques. There is no difference between male and female intelligence, so why should the teachers use different techniques to teach them? This kind of thought is, in my view, very archaic.

First, women and men should have similar education, because we are in a democracy, which means everybody should have equal rights. The educational system cannot separate the students by gender; this is a violation of the human rights – the law that also says that the country must support citizens equally.

Second, the contact between different genders is very important to the development of children. Boys and girls need to interact, because it is the only way to understand each other and the school provides this interaction; in the classroom, they can talk in the lunch time, and in a variety of manners the school improve this contact between genders.

Last but not least, the gender segregation is a characteristic of the macho cultures which rejects working women in high positions; therefore, adopting different ways to educate boys and girls is a kind of regress to this culture.
Although many families think that a school for women protect their daughter or a school for men is better to their son, this kind of school brings a lot of damage to the development of comprehension about relationships.


Congratulations on the essay! Apart from a few mistakes, it was very well-written.
These are suggestions I've made; some of the other users may share different opinions, which might help you to enrich your prose. Keep up the great work!

Cheers!
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