Correção Writing - Question 2 Toefl IBT

Pessoal, gostaria muito de uma ajuda de vocês na correção do meu texto abaixo, que foi proposto na sessão Writing - Question 2.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


In my opinion the majority of the parents shouldn’t be consider the best teachers. I know that they play the most important role in growing process of their child, but it doesn’t mean that they can always provide the right lessons for their sun. It is expected that parents teach moral and ethic lessons, which is the most important lesson for a person who lives in a society, but they are not able to teach the whole educational backgroung that a person should learn.
Parents represents, in most of the case, the main influence person for their child, that’s why is so important that they act in a right way, respecting the laws and the others. Many childrens grow up seen what their parents do and start to behave like them. Even though, they can’t be responsable for the caracther of their sun. That’s when it comes the importance of education, offerer in schools.
Since the beginning of the growing process is important to put our sun in the School, because this is the place where they will learn different skills from a person who is prepared and who have studied for be in this position, which is the Professor. Parets can’t subistitute teachers, because they are not able to provide all the cultural and educational requirements that a person should have, otherwise the wouldn’t be able to decide what carrer they want to follow and to persue that.
Finally, i really think we should separate the figure of parents and teachers, thought they play a important role in the learning process of a person. Parents will always share their believes and experience with their sun, but they have much more things to learn, which will be provide for their professors.
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Avatar do usuário Ancrispa 2555 8 57
In my opinion the majority of( the )parents should not be considered (consider) the best teachers. I know that they play the most important role in the growth (growing) process of their children(child), but it does not mean that they can always provide the right lessons for their sons. (Se você está utilizando o substantivo pais (plural), use também filhos (plural) mantenha esta concordância na sua redação).
It is expected that parents teach moral and ethical lessons, which are the most important lessons for a person who lives in
( a) society, but they are not able to (teach the whole) give all educational background that a person need (should learn). (ethic- noun ethical- adjective)
Parents (represents) in most (of the )cases exert the main influence on their child, that is why is so important that they act in (a) the right way, respecting the laws and the others. Many children grow up seeing what their parents do and start to behave like them. Even though, they cannot be responsible for their son’s character. (caracther of their sun) That is when it comes (the) to the importance of education offered (er) in schools. (seen-particípio passado, visto-seeing gerúndio- vendo).
Pay attention to the word spelling: we say responsible and not responsable (it is wrong and a very common mistake we make.)
Verb form: education offered (educação oferecida- education offered) (past participle form) (or if you want to say: the education we offer in schools – then you can use the present form)
(Since the beginning of) Since early child development is important to put our son in (the) school, because this is the place where they will learn different skills from a person who is prepared and who (have ) studied ( for ) to be in this position, which is the teacher (Professor- we use this word for university college- not for a professional who works with children).
Parents cannot substitute teachers, because they are not able to provide all the cultural and educational requirements that a person should have, otherwise they would not be able to decide what career they want to follow and to pursue that. (spelling mistakes- carrer is career, persue is pursue. I think this one was a typing mistake)
Finally, I really think we should separate the figure of parents and teachers. It is commonly thought that teachers also play an important role in the learning process of a person. Parents will always share their beliefs (believes) and experience with their sons, but they have (much) many more things to learn, which will be provided for their teachers (professors). (believe is the verb- belief is the noun for this word) (past participle- provided)

If it’s an essay for Toefl don’t use contractions. It sounds inappropriate and informal.
Congratulations on your essay. ;)

http://www.linguee.com.br/

http://dictionary.cambridge.org/pt/dici ... q=growing+

Please wait for a second opinion.
Avatar do usuário Ancrispa 2555 8 57
....give all educational background a person needs :oops:


I forgot to put the s in the verb need in the second paragraph..