Correção: Toefl writing exercise

Hi,

Would you give me some feedback on this TOEFL exercise?

The arrival of large factories are usually an important issue of discussion in small towns. Although they usually bring many job opportunities to the local community, it brings many problems as well, such as the rapid and unorganized town’s growth, the use of the area’s natural resources and pollution.

Many people would say that a big factory brings new people to the town and consequently the local economy would be benefited. However, with the economical development many issues come together. As people arrive and the city grows fast and uncontroled the consuption of natural resources increase and the city might experience some problems with water treatment, traffic, destruction of landscape, energy consumption and criminality. A major issue for the people living in a city like that is the loss of cultural identity that is a result of people arrival from all over the country. A good example of cultural loss is New York that grew fast and received people from the whole world and as a consequence no one can draw an unique caracteristic of New York city.

The factory itself may also be a major problem to the town. Factories usually makes use of chemicals that are toxic to humans, animals and plants. Such chemicals are potencial water, soil and air contaminants if they are not disposed correctly. And even if they are, environmental accidents are common. In Brazil, pharmaceutical industries use, illegaly, rivers and streams to discard chemical compounds. That makes the production cheaper but dangerous to the local community that can be intoxicated with those compounds.

Therefore the implementation of a large factory in any place needs to be discussed with the whole community. It needs to be carefully planned and everybody needs to be heard. Otherwise, many pleople can face problems and have their lives affected.


Thanks
Rafael