Correção de texto: Questão 2 Writing TOEFL

Pessoal , estou estudando para o TOEFL e estou encontrando muita dificuldade para redigir textos, pricipalmente quando se trata de conjugações verbais. Gostaria que alguém que pudesse desse um parecer sobre os erros comuns que cometo pois usar o google translate para corrigir erros de gramática não dá

O tema era : Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you this is better?

Young adults look for independence, they want to be more themselves and want to do whatever comes to their mind, but it is necessary to leave parent’s house to do this? We should to concern about the efforts to leave parent’s house, because few reasons I think is better to live with parents as longer as possible.

First, live with parent is better to save money. Renting an apartment or a house, even living in a student residence might be very expensive; indeed, it is common students to take loans for living while they are studying in university. The loans is the most common way to pay the bills among students. In addition, this necessity for money make many students to get a job; nevertheless, this job can affect their grade in the university by taking the time used to study. Therefore, to avoid spending much than you can or to have to take a job, it is better to wait a little before leave our house.

Second, at parent’s house we have fewer concerns than if we living alone. There is many things to do in home, cleaning the house, laundering, cooking of the meal; and there is no to concern about this at parent’s house.

From all points I made above, we can draw a conclusion that it is a good choice to wait more few years until leaving our parent’s house. This is an important decision in our life because involves money, security and others aspects in our life, therefore we should think well about the best time to leave home and to fly to world.


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Which of these situations do you think it´s better?
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Stay with parents or go it alone? [[The title is mine, just out of habit here]]


Young adults long for independence, they want to be independent of their parents as soon as possible, and to that end, many are willing to do whatever it takes (to it).

Yet, is really necessary to leave parent’s house to achieve that? One would think that reasons abound to people this age to move out, not continue living with their parents, so why they should stay? Under the present circumstances I would say yes, it´s acceptable.

In this paragraph, I choose to "take sides", I read the text to the end and decided that you were generally ''con" not "pro".
Meaning against "being such a gung-ho" towards leaving home before having the necessary means (money, job etc).

Thus, to my thinking, in this second chunk you got undecided, certainly unintentionally. But it was what the text conveyed.


First, living with parents is an effective way to save money. Renting an apartment, a house or even living in a student dorm might be very expensive; indeed, it is common see/find college/university students [graduates] struggling with loan debts. In fact, loans are the most common way to pay students bills.


"live (sic) with parents is better to save money". Just don´t let your folks see this one. They would fell used, a "good way to..." would be better than say that (even so, they could have that feeling as well). "Effective" is more to the point. I think.




In addition, this need for money force many students to get a job. Nevertheless, the very job may negatively affects their grades/their marks, taking precious time so needed for their studies.

Therefore, to avoid spending much than one can afford, it is better to wait a while before leaving (his) home.

I preffer home to house, house is physical (the building) home is abstract (just the place we call "lar", home sweet home.)



Second, at parents’ home we have fewer concerns than if we living alone. There is are many tasks to do around house, cleaning, laundering, cooking. Whereas, at parents´ house, there is no much worry about this.


Again, your folks may fell used, kinda what they mean to you? housekeepers? some servant?
I would say that - "At parent´s home we have fewer concerns than if we live alone, since, at home you have just to pitch in, as everyone. So, living alone you will do all the cooking, cleaning, laudering, summimg up - all the chores around house - along with the studying and/or working.


Whereas, at parents´ house, there is no much worry about this. (?)
tsk tsk tsk!



As pointed out in this essay/piece of text, it is a good choice to wait for a few years more until you are ready to move out from parent´s house. Since, this is an important decision in life, it involves money, security and others aspects as well. So, one should better think about wich is the best time to leave home fly to the world.



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Hope it helps.
Comments, amends, revising and proofread are welcome, I am such a bad scribe af all.