Correção de Texto: Loyane

Olá,
Gostaria de saber se está correta a redação que fiz.
Obrigada

About me

When I was 14, phase shift to high school, I decided to technical college, wanted to study in a college COTUCA to be well recognized by the educational excellence, being necessary to carry out a test to get a spot. I doubt to choose the course because there were not many options and at school I enjoyed subjects like chemistry, mathematics and reading about each course, Food seemed to be more appropriate.
Was a year of great effort and study, also did a preparatory course and in 2007 joined the COTUCA.
I really enjoyed the technical course, involved many different subjects, added much knowledge and all this made me wanted to continue in this area choosing to do college of Food Engineering later.
I lived one year alone, close to the college to facilitate routine and could have the technical stage, it made me mature a lot and learn to make decisions and be more independent.
I graduated in 2009 and during 2010 prepared to conduct the entrance exam, was approved in four public universities and opted for the Unicamp, closer to where I live and quite renowned and so in 2011 I joined the Unicamp in the course of Food Engineering .
Today I am in the fifth year and will graduate at the end of 2016, I hope now enter the professional market and continue studying, making specialization courses, international experience, and all help me get professional success.

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I’ve corrected your essay. It’s just a rough draft. There’s room for improvement.
Congratulations on your achievements! Good luck!


When I was 14 ( “phase shift to high school”) I made the transition from middle school into high school. I decided to study (you need a verb here) in a technical high school, I wanted to study( in a college) at COTUCA (to be well recognized by the educational excellence) that is well recognized for its educational excellence. The school conducts a selection process in which all the students need to sit for a common entrance exam.

(, being necessary to carry out a test to get a spot. )
Phase shift is a math term:
https://www.mathsisfun.com/algebra/ampl ... shift.html
We don’t use that word in that sense. We say to make the transition from middle school into high school. That’s the correct collocation.


Initially I (doubt) had doubts about ( to choose the course) which course to choose, (because there were not many options- it’s a contradiction here- if you had few options, you didn’t have much to choose, had you?-) (and at school) because in school I (enjoyed) liked different subjects (like) such as chemistry and mathematics. So after reading about each course, Food seemed to be (more appropriate.) the most appropriate choice.

It was a year of great effort and study, and I also did a preparatory course (here I suppose it was in 2006). And it really paid off, because in 2007, (joined at- it means you worked there) I was accepted to COTUCA.

I really enjoyed the technical course, it involved many different subjects.
( added- wrong choice of word )- I acquired much knowledge and all of this made me want(ed )to continue in this area choosing to do (college of ) Food Engineering college later.

I lived one year alone, close to the college to facilitate my daily (routine) life. Because of that change, I could ( have the technical stage) do my technical internship. It made me mature a lot, learn to make decisions by myself and to be more independent.

I graduated in 2009 and (during ) in 2010 I prepared to (conduct) sit for the entrance exam, I (was approved in) passed in four public universities entrance exams and opted for (the) Unicamp, which is closer to where I live and quite renowned.( and) So in 2011 I start studying Food engineering at ( the) Unicamp. ( in the course of Food Engineering) .
If you say “join at Unicamp” it seems that you are a professor and works there.

Today I am in the fifth year and I will graduate at the end of 2016, I hope now enter the (professional) job market and continue studying, making specialization courses, and have some international experience. I believe doing all of that it will help me to get professional success.

Some points to consider:
Be careful with the overuse of commas;
In English, tenses tend to be shorter than in Portuguese;
Many of your tenses you don’t use the subject which is wrong;
The basic rule is: A subject+ a verb+ complement.
I like cats.
A small text to explain:
Mary woke up at seven. She got up and went to the bathroom. After having a shower, she went to the kitchen to have her breakfast. When she finished it, she brushed her teeth, got dressed and headed to school.
http://www.write.com/writing-guides/gen ... of-commas/
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas_big.htm
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