I’ve corrected your essay. It’s just a rough draft. There’s room for improvement.
Congratulations on your achievements! Good luck!
When I was 14 ( “phase shift to high school”) I made the transition from middle school into high school.
I decided to study
(you need a verb here) in a technical high school, I wanted to study( in a college) at COTUCA (to be well recognized by the educational excellence) that is well recognized for its
educational excellence. The school conducts a selection process in which all the students need to sit for a common entrance exam.
(, being necessary to carry out a test to get a spot. )
Phase shift is a math term:https://www.mathsisfun.com/algebra/ampl ... shift.html
We don’t use that word in that sense. We say to make the transition from middle school into high school. That’s the correct collocation.Initially
I (doubt) had doubts about
( to choose the course) which course to choose
, (because there were not many options- it’s a contradiction here- if you had few options, you didn’t have much to choose, had you?-) (and at school) because in school I
(enjoyed) liked different
subjects (like) such as
chemistry and mathematics. So after reading
about each course, Food seemed to be (more appropriate.) the most appropriate choice.
It was a year of great effort and study, and I also did a preparatory course (here I suppose it was in 2006). And it really paid off,
because in 2007, (joined at- it means you worked there) I was accepted to
I really enjoyed the technical course, it involved many different subjects.
( added- wrong choice of word )- I acquired much knowledge and all of thi
s made me want(ed )to continue in this area choosing to do (college of ) Food Engineering college later.
I lived one year alone, close to the college to facilitate my daily
. Because of that change, I could
( have the technical stage) do my technical internship. It made me mature a lot, learn to make decisions by myself and to be more independent.
I graduated in 2009 and (during ) in 2010 I prepared to (conduct) sit for the entrance exam,
I (was approved in) passed in four public universities entrance exams and opted for
(the) Unicamp, which is closer to where I live and quite renowned.( and) So in 2011 I start studying Food engineering at
( the) Unicamp. ( in the course of Food Engineering) .
If you say “join at Unicamp” it seems that you are a professor and works there.
Today I am in the fifth year and I will graduate at the end of 2016, I hope now enter the (professional) job market and continue studying, making specialization courses, and have some international experience. I believe doing all of that it will help me to get professional success.
Some points to consider:
Be careful with the overuse of commas;
In English, tenses tend to be shorter than in Portuguese;
Many of your tenses you don’t use the subject which is wrong;
The basic rule is: A subject+ a verb+ complement.
I like cats.
A small text to explain:
Mary woke up at seven. She got up and went to the bathroom. After having a shower, she went to the kitchen to have her breakfast. When she finished it, she brushed her teeth, got dressed and headed to school.http://www.write.com/writing-guides/gen ... of-commas/http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas_big.htm