Correção de texto para Toefl 2

Ei galera, mais uma só pra vcs darem uma olhada e me da um toque no que preciso melhorar. Agradecido desde já! :)

You need to travel from your home to a place 40 miles (64 kilometers) away. Compare the different kinds of transportation you could use. Tell which method of travel you would choose. Give specific reasons for your choice.

Generally speaking, in nowadays it is common use different types of transportation to travel to another place. The person that will travel has to see what is better for him. For example, if you need to go for other state, but you have to go quickly, you should go by airplane. However, if I have to travel from my home to a place 64 kilometers away I have to choose another type of transportation.

First of all, there are many options to go to this place, like by metro. If I go by metro, I will travel faster and arrive more quickly. This is a good choose if I have no more time to lose and do not arrive late. In addition, take a metro is not so expensive. Thus, I will come faster and I do not will spend much money. On the other hand, another option to go it is by car. Nearly all the people that have a job have a car too. By the way, traveling by car is more comfortable that by metro. However, if I want to travel by car I have to spend more money than by metro.

Secondly, I can choose travel by bus. This option may not be the best, but sometimes you just do not get travel by metro and you do not have a car too. One solution for that is travel by bus, it is really ship, but it is not comfortable.

Thirdly, another way to travel it is by bicycle. I should choose this if I want to do some exercise, like a challenge for myself. For this option you just need to have breath, and go ahead to arrive to the place.

For conclusion, it was clearly seen that I have many options to go to the wanted place. Therefore, I will choose to travel by metro. Because it is not so expensive like by car, but it is for sure better than by bus and by bicycle.

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Avatar do usuário Artful Dodger 4500 6 13 103
Generally speaking, in nowadays, it is common to use different types of transportation to travel (1) to another place. The person that will travel has to see what is best for him (2). For example, if he needed to go quickly to another state, but you have to go quickly, he should go by airplane (3). However, if I have to travel from my home to a place 64 kilometers away, I will have to choose another type of transportation.

First of all, there are many options to go to such place, like by metro. If I take the train, I will travel faster and arrive more quickly. This is a good choice if I don't have time to lose and do not want to arrive late. In addition, taking a train is not so expensive. Thus, I will arrive faster and I will not spend much money.

On the other hand Secondly, (5) another option is to go by car Nearly all the people that have a job have a car too (6), which is more comfortable than taking a train. However, if I want to travel by car, I will spend more money than by metro.

Thirdly, I can choose to travel by bus. This option may not be the best, but sometimes you just do not get to travel by metro and you do not have a car either. One solution for that is to travel by bus: it is really cheap, but it is not comfortable.

Finally, another way to travel it is by bicycle. I will choose this if I want to do some exercise, as a challenge for myself. For this option, I will just need to have a good breath, and go ahead to arrive to the place (7).

In conclusion, it was clearly seen that I have many options to get to the place I want. Among all those choices, I will choose to travel by metro, because it is not so expensive (like by car), but it is for sure better than taking a bus or riding a bicycle(8).

Correction key:
Italic: not necessarily wrong, but it probably did not sound good the way it was originally written.
Bold: problems with grammar, vocabulary or spelling.

Observations:
(1) If you're travelling, you're obviously going to another place; therefore, the complementary part is superfluous.

(2) You used a masculine singular pronoun (him) to refer to a single person or an antecedent that is grammatically singular. Though widely used until the mid 20th Century, such construction is no longer perceived as gender neutral and should thereby be avoided, depending on the context it is applied. There have been heated debates to establish whether it is more adequate to use the 'singular they' or the male pronouns, but no conclusion was reached. I strongly advise you to avoid such usage whenever it is possible. For more information regarding the subject, you may consult Wikipedia:
< http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Singular_they >

(3) In the previous sentence you used the singular male pronoun as a way to speak generically. Thus, you should avoid the usage of the pronoun you with the same purpose in the following sentence.

(4) Once you are exploring hypothetical scenarios, you should use the second conditional, as in the sentence: "(...)if I had to travel from my home to a place 64 kilometers away, I would have to choose(...)". However, in order to do that, I would have to rearrange the whole text, so I left it as it was originally written. You can read more about second conditional here: <https://www.englishexperts.com.br/second-conditional/>.

(5) Secondly should have been used here, since you've stopped discussing an idea in order to start another one.

(6) Are you sure? I suppose that might depend on where you live. In my hometown, there is an average of 50 cars for every group of 100 people. In smaller towns, the ratio is probably lower. Therefore, your statement is, at best, incomplete and you should consider removing it from your text.

(7) "(...)and go ahead to arrive to the place". This part of the sentence sounds weird and doesn't say much; I think you might want to remove it.

(8) You used the expression to go by too often. I recommend you to use words or expressions that convey the same idea, such as to fly (to go by plane), to ride a bicycle (to go by bicycle) and to take the train (to go by train). If you overuse the same structures, your essay may become repetitive and tiresome for the reader.

Cheers!
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Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39175 6 32 684
Generally speaking, nowadays it is common the use different types of transportation to travel to another place. A traveler should see what is better for him. For example, if you need to go to another state, but if you have to go quickly, you should go by airplane. However, if *someone have to travel from my home to a place just 64 kilometers away one have to choose another available type of transportation.

Try to keep your essay impersonal, unless it turns out impossible. That´s why I have redone "I" for "someone/one''


First of all, there are many options to go to a place. Take the metro, if we go by metro, we will travel faster and arrive quicker.



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I just had a little checking here, I will leave to others the rest. Your line of thought is good, but I advise you to polish your grammar and word usage a little bit. Keep up the good work!
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39175 6 32 684
Well done! Artful. You are not artful for nothing! :lol:
Such a pity my three-vote share is depleted for the day, but your answer deserves a vote by Mr. Raul. ;)