Correção de texto: Redação para o Toefl

Gente, estou querendo fazer o TOEFL e fiz esse texto. Tem como vocês corrigirem? Please!


Claudius ruled Rome between 41 and 54 CE. Some people said him was a good ruler for Rome, however, some people desagree.

There is no doubt. He was a wise and fair person. He was the first king to pay the army and he created laws to protect the slaves. In addition, he build a lot of important contructions for Rome. An example were: Arqueducts and a new harbor for the city. He expanded Rome by conquering and incorporating the island of Britain.

However,Claudis for some persons, was not so good person like some texts said. He murdered a lot of people who was in your way. And he made some ilegal decisions for get what he wanted and need. In addition, the emperor Claudius love gleidietor fight, in other word, he loved to see people fighting each other for no reason, just for fun.

It is important to say that his son was the worst rulers of Rome, but he can not be guilty because of this.
MENSAGEM PATROCINADA Você sabe como está o seu nível de inglês? Teste agora GRÁTIS em apenas alguns minutos.

Clique aqui para iniciar o Teste Online!
Avatar do usuário Marcio_Farias 12350 1 22 206
"Claudius for some persons, however, was not..."
".,. decisions to get what he wanted..."
",.,. gladiator..."
"... was one of the worst rulers of Rome."

Não se vá. Outras correções virão.
Avatar do usuário adriano78 980 1 19
Oi. Vou consertar o que eu acho estar errado.

Claudius ruled Rome between 41 and 54 CE. Some people said HE was a good ruler for Rome, however, some people DISAGREED.

There is no doubt. He was a wise and fair person. He was the first king to pay the army and he created laws to protect the slaves. In addition, he BUILT a lot of important contructions for Rome. An example WAS (ou SOME EXAMPLES WERE): Arqueducts and a new harbor for the city. He expanded Rome by conquering and incorporating the island of Britain.

However,Claudis for some persons, was not so good person like some texts said. He murdered a lot of people who WERE in HIS way. And he made some ilegal decisions TO get what he wanted and NEEDED. In addition, the emperor Claudius LOVED GLADIATOR fight, in other word, he loved to see people fighting each other for no reason, just for fun.

It is important to say that his son was ONE OF the worst rulers of Rome, but he can not be guilty because of this.

Se eu consertei errado, favor avisar!
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39205 6 32 684
Hi there, Almeidarai.
It transpires that you made your writing in haste? It seems so, because when I read, the spelling of some words caught my eye.

-------------------
Here what would be my choice of words:

aqueducts - where it was "arqueducts".
illegal decisions - instead of "ilegal decisions"
...to get what he wanted and needed - instead of "for get what he wanted and need. "
...loved gladiator fights - not "love gleidietor fight"

Plus it should read ..., in other words, - where it reads ", in other word,...
He loved "gladiator fights" - instead of "he loved gladiator fight." (that could suggest that it was a fight in which all gladiators would perish in that fight, then wouldn´t be any gladiators to other fights.)

I would redo that part:
He loved to see people fighting each other for no reason, just for fun.

He loved to watch gladiators fighting each other, just for the fun of it.
I think this would already convey the idea. I would left "for no reason" out, since at the time it was for a reason. (today we can think of it as a twisted reason, but at the time and in the mind of Claudius it was a legit reason...)
That is, if we think that gladiatorial shows were the equivalent to the comtemporary violent fights of today..., just compare the noise and excitement that people display. Unfortunately, violence was always a hit with the populace (the masses) and part of "the bread and circus" scheme!
The difference is that the masses are behind a TV set nowadays, the fights are broadcast.

For more reasons read here (I am not making the defense of those reasons, though, but that they existed they existed.):
http://www.historytoday.com/keith-hopki ... cient-rome
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39205 6 32 684
The difference is that these days the masses are watching in front a TV set , and the fights are broadcast.