Correção de texto em inglês: Toefl

Olá pessoal, estou começando a treinar meu Writing pois pretendo fazer o TOEFL em breve, sendo assim estou começando a praticar... pretendo fazer várias essays afim de melhorar meu inglês, creio que minhas primeiras essays ficarão horríveis, mas se vocês puderem me ajudar, ou dar dicas de como melhorar eu ficaria grato.

Its more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends.

Between choose make new friends or keep your old friends, I believe that keeping your old friends, is the best way to stay connect with your past, your histories and memories. Besides that, old friends had a connection more stronger with you, have more in common and also make you more confidence, safe and happy. However, make new friends also important, because bring to you new contacts, networking and experiences with can give you more knowledge, networking and experience in your life.
When you keep your old friends, you stay connected with your past because they have some participation in most of yours more valuable experiences of life. For example, you and your friends of school have shared your graduation in high school, and I believe that event has been marked by everyone, and you never forget experiences and memories of that day.
Also, keeping your old friends close guaranty to you a place of security, because you and your older friends trust each other, and then its more easy to share your problems and hear some advices with helps you to solve them. For example, you when have an personal problem to solve you will search for an older friend instead of a new friend, because you trust him and feels with him a confidence required to discuss the problem, him understand your feelings, your thinking’s, and this let easier to discuss some options and solutions for your problem.
In my view, keep your old friends its better then make new friends for this two reasons, in other hand, make new friends it’s also necessary because you creates networking and knew other cultures, other views and other people.
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Algumas sugestões dentro do que o contexto permite avaliar:

It's more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends.

Between choosing to make new friends or keeping your old friends, I believe that keeping your old friends, is the best way to stay connected with your past, your stories and memories. Besides that, old friends had a connection stronger with you, have more in common and also make you more confidence, safe and happy. However, making new friends is also important, because it brings to you new contacts, networking and experiences which can give you more knowledge, networking and experience in your life.
When you keep your old friends, you stay connected with your past because they have some participation in most of your most valuable experiences of life. For example, you and your friends of school have shared your graduation in high school, and I believe that event has been marked by everyone, and you never forget experiences and memories of that day.
Also, keeping your old friends close guarantees you a place of security, because you and your older friends trust each other, and then it's easier to share your problems and hear some advice which helps you to solve them. For example, you when have a personal problem to solve you will search for an older friend instead of a new friend, because you trust him and feel he can be trusted to discuss the problem, he will understand your feelings, your thoughts, and this makes it easier to discuss some options and solutions for your problem.
In my view, keeping your old friends is better than making new friends for these two reasons, on other hand, making new friends is also necessary because you create networking and get to know other cultures, other views and other people.