Essay - Perspectives in the U.S.! :)

Oi pessoal, agradeceria muito se alguém pudesse dar uma lida no meu texto e me dar dicas para corrigir os erros. É o primeiro texto para o CsF que faço, não sei se ficou muito bom.

I’ve been studying Biological Sciences since April, 2014 in Federal University of Uberlândia, considered the fifth best Biology couse in Brazil. Although i’m studying in one of the best colleges in Brazil, I’m looking to improve my graduation, so taking the opportunity to study in another country is a great chance to experience new study areas and raise as a professional.
In the very first moment I thought about studying in another country, the United States of America came as one of the first options. At the beginning, the main reason was to improve and training my English, once I’ve been studying this language for about 8 years and never had a opportunity to visit a country whose main language is English. The United States of America is a huge country, in culture diversity and territory. Is fascinating the fact of so many diferente people living in harmony and respecting each others, beside the divergence of thoughts and mores.
Recently, I’ve been doing a research about flowering, herbivory and fenological development in a specie of plant, comparing the data of a area affected by a wildfire and a area not affected by the fire. The data collecting and plant observation are being made in a Ecological Reserve, and the forecast to end the data collecting is on April, 2015 I really enjoy this area of ecology, envolving plantas and animais, and I wish I could still study and work in this area and, in the future, work on bigger projects. I’m also working voluntarily in a wild animals’ hospital, once a week.
Besides everything I’ve been doing at the moment, the microscopy biology and cell biology facinastes me and I wish i could have the opportunity to study and learn more about it. My goal is to conciliate modern botanic studies and human health, focusing on medicines and natural treatments. I’m also looking for aprimorate my knowlegment about cells and the new perspectives and possibilities in the study and researchs about cell biology.
Some Universities at United States of American can provide me the opportunity to get into a hole new world of research in the areas I’m looking for. Now, it came to be the major reason to choose U.S. as a country to aprimorate my studies, beyond practice a new language and learn more about a different culture.



Obrigada,
Carolina

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Avatar do usuário Juliana Rios 18850 21 98 389
Correções e sugestões de aprimoramento (comentários em itálico e entre colchetes):

I’ve been studying Biological Sciences since April, 2014, at the Federal University of Uberlândia, considered to have [coerência] the fifth best Biology program [adaptação à terminologia norte-americana] in Brazil. Although I attend [colocação] one of the best colleges in Brazil, I’m looking to enhance my credentials [estilo e colocação], so taking the opportunity to [desnecessário] studying in another country is a great chance to experience new areas of study and grow [colocação] as a professional.
When I first thought [estilo e concisão] about studying in another country, the United States of America was the first option to come to mind [colocação e estilo]. In the beginning, the main reason was to improve and practice my English, as ["once" não introduz um motivo] I’ve been studying this language for about 8 years and never had the opportunity to visit an English-speaking [concisão] country. The United States of America is huge [evitar repetição de "country"], both in cultural diversity and territory. The fact that so many people live in harmony and respect each other, as well as the diversity of opinions, are fascinating [sintaxe e estilo].
Recently, I’ve been doing a research [substantivo incontável] on the floral, herbivorous and phenological development of a plant species, by comparing the data of an area affected by a wildfire with that of a non-affected area [consistência e estilo]. The studies [concisão] are being done in an ecological reserve, and the forecast to end the data collecton is scheduled to end in [sintaxe] April, 2015. I really enjoy this branch of ecology, involving plants and animais, and I wish I could still study and work in this area and, in the future, work on bigger projects. I also do volunteer work at a wild animal hospital, once a week.
Besides everything I’ve been doing at the moment, the microscopy biology [repetição] and cell biology also fascinate me, and I wish I could have the opportunity to study and learn more about them. My goal is to reconcile modern botanic studies with human health, focusing on medicines and natural treatments. I’m also looking to expand ["aprimorate" não é uma palavra] my knowlege about cells and the new perspectives and possibilities in the study and research of cell biology.
Some universities in the United States of America [desnecessário] can provide me with the opportunity to get into a whole [ortografia] new world of research on the areas which interest me. This has come to be the major reason why I chose the U.S. as a country in which to further my studies, besides practicing a new language and learning more about a different culture.

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Avatar do usuário Juliana Rios 18850 21 98 389
Correção: "I’m also looking to expand my knowledge about cells..."