Essay - CSF- Perspectives in the U.S (MayDay!)

Primeiramente gostaria de agradecer a ajuda de todos, é fantástico poder contar com vocês. :D
Aqui vai minha segunda essay, agora sobre as perspectivas nos EUA. Estou um pouco atrasado, mas vai dar tudo certo =)
Obrigado novamente.

Perspectives in the U.S (250 - 500 words)
My goal in this essay is to explain the reasons why I have chosen the U.S.A as my favorite country to study abroad and how this travel will help me to improve myself as a person and with the necessary knowledge to be a good professional.
You may be wondering: Why did he choose the U.S.A?

According to World Intellectual Property Organization (WIPO), U.S.A has the second place in rank of patents around the world. It means that innovation and quality of formation are reference in this country. Heavy investment in Research and Development results in better resources on equipment and laboratories, a must for anyone who wants to be an engineer.
Moreover, Brazil and U.S.A have great international relationship and many American companies have subsidiaries in my country, thus one possibility to get in contact with the corporate environment and American business.
Studying in the U.S.A can really change my life in personal and intellectual aspects.
First, as a personal perspective I see one opportunity to stay by myself. Living away from relatives does not seem to be easy, especially when you are very family-oriented like me, in this way this program is going to help me to be more mature and confident, especially in situations that I will have to make important decisions that are very common in professional environment also.
In this experience I am going to meet people from worldwide, exchange knowledge and learn about different cultures and points of view, not to mention the fact that there are many places in U.S.A I would like to visit.
Second, as an intellectual perspective I see a chance to acquire knowledge of subjects that always aroused my interest in the robotics field, further the possibility to join an internship in an American company is an experience unique and I am very motivated to demonstrate my abilities and stay close to learn with the best professionals of my area.
Last but not least, I am going to bring new personal and technical advances to my country with an excellent level of English. I will be ready to be part of the best companies and join to projects internationally recognized. For the U.S.A I am going to let a little about myself in every place that I will be, with respect and gratitude.
In conclusion, I am going to grasp all the opportunities that the program science without boarders can yield me, maintaining focus and dedication as I always have done in my academic and personal life.
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[1]This essay goal is to explain the reasons why I have chosen the U.S.A as my favorite country to study abroad and how this travel will help me to improve myself as a person and with the necessary knowledge to reach/get [2] professional excellence.You may be wondering: Why did he choose the U.S.A?


[1]Just for saving espace, that is, being terser. I know, "the more the merrier" (you want a 500-word piece!), but If you think hard, you will squeeze plenty of activities, experience, incentives, challenges and your creative skills that would make you be chosen over others candidates.


[2] See what I said about "professional" used in a "solo" way.
correcao-de-texto-essay-about-professional-t42308.html

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According to the World Intellectual Property Organization (WIPO), U.S.A [2.1] is in the second place in the rank of patents around the world. It means that they are reference in both, innovation and quality of formation. [3] With the heavy investment in Research and Development out there, they have state-of-the-art equipment and laboratories, a must for anyone who wants to be an engineer.Moreover, Brazil and U.S.A have great international relationship and many American companies have subsidiaries in my country, thus one possibility to get in contact with the corporate environment and American business.

[2.1] also "is placed in second in the rank of..."
[3] Don´t make generalizations, like the following, it´s a bit obvious, specify (describe exactly) wich, whom, where, how, etc :
"Heavy investment in Research and Development results in better resources on equipment..."

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Studying in the U.S.A can really change my life in a number of ways, would represent a welcome personal and intellectual challenges.[4]First , as a personal perspective, I see one opportunity to fend for myself. Living away from relatives does not seem to be easy, especially when you are [5] very attached to the family as I am. In this way this program is going to help me to grow more mature and self-confident, especially in important decision-making situations, very common in the professional environment.


[4] to me, if you go "first", then the reader will expect "second". You could begin with "firstly", but it would have to enumerate "secondly" and so on, so I decided for "first of all".
-Okay I have redone, it. I saw that you enumerated "second" afterwards. So, I took out the "first of all."

[5]I changed that, just to be more natural English.
[6]More natural English, perhaps cliché, anyway they will know that you master some fixed expressions, and will add some more words to your writing. Don´t ever say I didn´t help you!




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In this experience I am going to meet people from worldwide, exchange knowledge and learn about different cultures and points of view, not to mention the fact that there are many places in U.S.A I would like to go/visit.
Second, as an intellectual point of view I see in it a chance to expand and deepen my knowledge of subjects that have always aroused my interest in the robotics field. It will further the possibility to join an internship in an American company, wich is a unique opportunity, and I am very motivated to demonstrate my abilities and stay close to learn with the best professionals of my area.


[7]experience unique -reverse from the way we use in Portuguese, so the right way is "unique experience" (a unique experience, for that matter.)

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Last but not least, I am going to bring back new personal and technical advances to my country [7.1] along with an excellent level of English. I will be ready to be part of the best companies and join ( ) projects internationally recognized. Since, with the fresh know-how I will have, I am going to leave my mark everywhere I go, and also leaving respect and gratitude on my part.
In conclusion, I am going to grasp all the opportunities that the program [8]Science Without Borders can yield me, maintaining my focus and dedication as I always have done in my academic and personal life.


[7.1]Here you "stretched" a bit, one could ask "what the excellent English" would have to do with the technical knowledge ('advances" in your words)? what this would be of advantage upon your return?.
to soften that, I added "along with", since a good/better command of English would be essential to pass the training on to others.
Anyway, the piece at this point, can improved.

[8]capitalize the name of the program. Be careful with words - "borders" is one word and "boarders" is other.
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On the fourth chunck, you could also change:

wich is a unique opportunity, and I am very motivated to demonstrate my abilities and stay close to learn with the best professionals of my area.


to learn with the best in my sector.