Correção de texto: My Dear Journal

Avatar do usuário Ancrispa 2555 8 57
Dear Journal,

Sometimes God teaches us a lesson when we least expect it. Yesterday I was to come into one of the entrance doors at the mall when I saw a blind young man who like me was walking towards the same door. But she passed by the door without noticing it.
I thought I might help her so I walked in her direction and offered to guide her until the mall’s corridor. She accepted my help and we came into the door. We went through “Lojas Americanas”.
During our brief walk together, I informed her where we were. And she just said that she wanted to go to the mall. At the end of our walk I told her: “Now we left the shop and you are at the corridor of the mall”. She thanked me and walked away in a very confident way holding her blind stick.
I just could think “What a brave woman”. To get to the mall, she got the bus by herself and walked alone till the entrance door which is a bit far from the bus stop. I was amazed by her courage.
I learned a lesson from this episode. I must be brave like this woman. I should overcome my limits and deficiencies in the English language. I ought to believe that even knowing rubbish English I am able to improve my abilities to take my exams.
I have to remember and believe that “Vouloir c’est pouvoir” , “Where there’s a will there’s a way”, “Volere è potere”…. If I keep this sort of quote in mind, I shall be able to achieve my goals.
Of course, I need to work very hard with strong determination and bold willingness.
I think to sit for CAE I will have to study like people who apply for a public job:
Studying, studying, studying and studying.
My new motto now in life now.

Thanks
Ana
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Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39165 6 32 684
Ana, congrats in your piece, you did well. Now some views of mine, not much to change indeed.

Title: My Dear Journal.

Dear Journal,

Sometimes God teaches us a lesson when we least expect it. Yesterday I was about to go in one of the entrance doors at the mall [I would rather say - in one of the mall doors, but then it´s me...] when I saw a blind young man who like me was walking towards the same door. [If you wished, you could say towards the same door, but if didn´t want to repeat, you could say towards it/in the same direction.]

But she passed by the door without noticing it. 


I thought I might help her, so I walked in her direction and offered to guide her until the mall’s corridor. She accepted my help and we came into the door. We went through the “Lojas Americanas” shop. 
[You could say, well but then isn´t it "Lojas Americanas" already? To me by quoting and unquoting the "Lojas Americanas" you treated it as a brand, the name of the shop.



During our brief walk together, I informed her where we were. And she just said that she wanted to go to the mall. At the end of our walk I told her: “Now we left the shop and you are at the corridor of the mall”. She thanked me and walked away in a very confident way holding her blind walking stick [or just, “her walking stick”.

I just could think “What a brave woman”. To get to the mall, she got the bus by herself and walked alone till the entrance way [just for variety´s sake, instead of “entrance door”] which is a bit far from the bus stop. I was amazed by her courage.

I learned a lesson from this episode. I might/should [just my choice of words, don´t worry much here] be brave like this woman. I should overcome my limits and deficiencies in the English language. I n´t worry much about it] ought to believe that even knowing rubbish English I am able to improve my abilities to take my exams.

I have to remember and believe that “Vouloir c’est pouvoir” , “Where there’s a will there’s a way”, “Volere è potere”…. If I keep this sort of quote [maybe “motto'' is a better word here, but do] in mind, I shall be able to achieve my goals. 
Of course, I need to work very hard, with strong determination and bold willingness.

I think that to sit for a CAE I will have to do is, to study like people who apply for a public job:
Studying, studying, studying and studying. 
My new motto/goal in life now.


By the way, you needn´t to use now twice in there:
My new motto now in life now.
My new motto in life now.


============================================
Well, let´s wait for the fine-tuning, certainly there´s room to improvement.
This is my kick-off. ;)
Avatar do usuário Ancrispa 2555 8 57
PPaulo,

Thank you very much for your correction. I certainly need help with my essays.


The "Lojas Americanas" shop would never come across my mind. ;)

I also tend to repeat things a lot. I should be more careful when writing an essay in order to avoid such mistake.


Ana
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39165 6 32 684
Come to the world of writing and smell the coffee! don´t think it´s a luxury of yours...I am also prone to be repetitive, sometimes.
If it is of some (cold) comfort, be aware that we (including me here, please) are
more tolerant towards our own brainchild(ren).

That´s why we put our pieces of text here, so we open up to new possibilities and opinions and have a say in it as well. That is, to give the interested readers some of our perspectives on the writting itself.



http://massucci.com/blog/1211-writing-groups


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And, I had forgotten. Overall, your writing skills are remarkable, I must say.
Avatar do usuário Ancrispa 2555 8 57
Paulo

Thanks for the compliment and for the link.

I do have a lot to learn when it comes to writing essays. But I think that now it is not incredibly difficult for me to write like it used to be some months ago. Of course, the fact that I can count on with help from English Experts members like you undoubtedly makes a huge difference on my progress.


It gives me extra motivation to achieve my goals.


thank you very much

Ana
Avatar do usuário PPAULO 39165 6 32 684
Oh, of course! I´m glad that we somehow have upped the ante a bit.
Indeed, if the quality of your writing have increased, it´s not just our "fault" he he. This shows that you are into English and took a fancy for writing, you convinced yourself that you´ll get there!
You know, it takes two to dance a tango, huh? :P



===============
Now to enhance your writing still more:


Of course, the fact that I can count on you from the English Experts to help (me), members like you undoubtedly makes a huge difference on my progress.



Of course, the fact that I can count on English Experts members like you, undoubtedly makes a huge difference on my progress.


Of course, the fact that I can count on English Experts members like you, undoubtedly has made a huge difference on my progress.