Correção de texto: Shooting in the office.

Avatar do usuário OEstudantedeIngles 5450 2 16 106
It was a normal day in a normal office set in Los Angeles downtown. Everbody was working a lot, although they were sorta tired; You know, It is not easy to work like that, getting calls, writing reports and getting more calls. But that day, everyone was happy, they'd have a party at Juliana's house(Juliana was the boss secretary) later, they could not wait for that, It'd be awesome! So, when the boss said ''Let's call it day!'' They ran to the exit, However, as they were nearly there two men armed with knifes and guns entered in the office and led them back upstairs. They got all the money in there and said ''If you call the cops or do anything you'll die, your heard me? Y'all gonna die!'' But everybody was too scared to do something. They watched the thugs gettin' all the dough.
But, it was Juliana(The secretary who was going to throw the party) could get her mobile and called the cops, what the robbers told them NOT to do.
As the two man heard the sirens out there they said ''Are you kiddin' me? are you batty? It was in that moment he drew the boss and killed him, there was a big noise when the gun went off. Afterwards, the police arrived in the third floor and the shootout started. The policemen got success and were able to kill the punks. Nobody but the boss and the thugs died that night, all the workers were good after the shooting. But I think there wasn't any party after that :)

Obs: This story is not real, ok? haha ;) It came from my mind.


Could you check my mistakes?

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Avatar do usuário Marcelo Reis 4480 1 2 96
Há muita informalidade no texto e uns errinhos. Não que seja um problema aqui, mas numa prova de verdade ...

1) Sorta/you heard me/ya'll/gettin/dough/kiddin/batty/punks

2) boss secretary = esqueceu de usar o caso genitivo.

3) It was Juliana could get = falta alguma coisa entre Juliana e could. Seria "who"? Não seria melhor: "it was Juliana who managed to get the ..." ?

4) it was at that moment that he drew the boss??? Corrigi a preposição. Mas o que quer dizer com "drew the boss"?

5) "on" the third floor é melhor.

6) got success = were successful.
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Avatar do usuário OEstudantedeIngles 5450 2 16 106
Hi there Marcelo! Thanks for checking it! It was really so informal but that was my ideia..


With ''drew the boss'' I meant ''Puxou o chefe'' ou ''arrastou o chefe'' Acho que draw também tem esse sentido..

:)
Avatar do usuário Marcelo Reis 4480 1 2 96
Entendi. Sim, tem esse sentido, queria confirmar. A gente não vê escrito dessa forma tão frequentemente. É muito mais comum "pull", "drag", mas sua frase está correta, sim. Eu vejo muito mais assim: "He drew the boss closer and..."

(Y)
Avatar do usuário Cinnamon 15275 14 41 345
Hi guys!!

Complemento:

Talvez "Draw/drew "
Não seja a opção adequada.
Sugeriria "drag/dragged"
"They dragged the boss..."
"The boss was (violently, forcefully) dragged ...."

Cheers!
Avatar do usuário OEstudantedeIngles 5450 2 16 106
Thank you both!